+juzsmiLe+

2007-01-28T08:49:00.000+08:00

i realised there are quite a number of people whom i dont know read my blog who.. well, read my blog. haha
strange, i have no qualms with that, tho i do blog about personal stuff.
am i some unfeeling monkey?
i tot literature had saved me and brought me down from the trees..

anyhows, the reason for this post is to announce my house warming party at http://mylifethrujesus.livejournal.com

this blog has served me well (:

but, we move on. haha

in future, if you read my blog, leave ur mark okay! (:

God bless y'all.

2007-01-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

good news #1
i wasn't having gastric flu
bad news #1
i been having diarrhea for two weeks because of the health authorities. breach of trust i say! :(:( i consumed THREE WHOLE pieces of that oil fish.
good news #2
i wasn't infectious (: so the lot of you out there were safe all the while!! (:
bad news #2
i've got a cold now because of my compromised immune system and SATs is tomorrow :(
good news #3
i got to stay home (:

good news trumps bad news anyday!

2007-01-24T21:06:00.000+08:00

i had let the world in.
caught up with plastered smiles and the need to maintain that facade
busy ignoring my pain and confusion
i had turned my head the other way
- backside attack SN2 mechanism. HAH -
i look back at the last year and see myself having come a full circle
hereiamonceagaini'mtornintopiecescan'tdenyitcan'tpretend
misfit.
at least its comforting to think it shld be easier to adjust to being a member than an AOT (:
but my greatest fear came true...
i backslided
yep. abbychengningxin backslided
i had given God reasons to love me
-guilty
and when those reasons gave away to emptiness and failure, i was ashamed to step into His presence. I am unworthy.
like a repeat of the scene in the Garden of Eden, i ran away and hid
as the world seemed through my skin and poisoned me
my lifestyle changed in the most subtle ways
it changed in the most innocuous ways possible
like how i reached for taht magazine instead of that christian book
like how i began to allow myself to sleep with secular music playing
the world pushed what "whatever is good, whatever is praiseworthy, whatever is honourable (think about such things)" from my mind
instead, i began to think about life, my future, friends yada yada. u get the picture
instead of "what would Jesus think about this?" i asked myself what my friends would think
trivial as it may sound, when my eyes were opened to how much it had changed me, i was shocked.
it was strange that i had been so quick to attribute the change to part of my growing up. biggest lie i've ever told myself.
maybe that is why God said "let the little children come to me, for theirs will be the Kingdom of Heaven" and that if anyone wanted to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they had to be like a child. childlike in front of our Heavenly Father.
i guess it was obvious that my spiritual life was going down when i stopped blogging about it huh.
well, typical of my entries.. here is my peripetaeia ;)
at least through these trials i know one thing, that i'm on the right track (:
i'm on my way to fulfilling the calling He has for my life
i feel him humbling me, showing me that its not gonna be through my own strength that i make it to my promise land
through the pain was seeing, feeling and the deaths i had witnessed...
i'll never forget watching my uncle shrivel away on that ironically white hospital bed as his body ate him from the inside
i'll never forget watching my pillar of strength slowly distanting herself from me as her life ebbed away from her frail shell of a body
i'll never forget.
i'll not let it go to waste.
its gonna take all my faith and dependency on Him to keep on pursuing the goal He has set for me
i have a feeling things may not turn out in the academically perfect rj-way
but i'm totally cool if it doesn't (: (:
its an awesome feeling knowing that my life is in His hands and that i can trust in His word, especially in Jeremiah 29:11
i'm picking myself up (:
and He's right beside me
my hunger for His word has come back and i devoured four chapters of revelations. HAHA
beasts, plagues and all. muahaha.

there was an old man whose life goal was to plant a forest
in his backyard he had already planted a few trees
it was curious that instead of caring for them and watering them as every gardener ought to do, he'll wake up every morning, armed with his scroll of newspapers and go about hitting his trees
ask him what he's doing and he'll tell you he's trying to get the trees' attention
leaving them to fend for themselves, he says, makes them strong and weans out the weenie trees early
teaches them to grow their roots down deep, he says
years later this old man passed away
i still walk by his house to admire the thick trunks of his beloved trees
time went by and i decided to try my hand at planting some trees of my own
i watered them, cared for them and prayed over them
but when winter came, i had trees who expected to be waited on branch and root
sissy trees

i dont wanna be a sissy tree
through the storm i will break through Lord (complete by parachute band)
dig my roots deep into the Eternal and into His word
if u've ever wondered why i blog about this kinda things...
well, its because of Hebrews 10:24

verse for the day:
Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save oth yourself and your hearers
1 Tim 4:16

abby:
Jesus take the wheel
take it from my hands
coz i can't do this on my own
i'm letting go
so give me one more chance
save me from this road i'm on
Jesus take the wheel...

Jesus:
you're never far
i will be where you are
and when you come to me
i will open my arms
welcome home you
i know you by name
how do you do
i shine because of you today
so come in and sit down
tell me how you are
coz daughter, its good just to see your face

if u're going through a very difficult period of time...
smile.
coz when u get through this
u'll be able to help others through it too (:
may you come out stronger in the Lord!
get better, not bitter (:

Revelations 22:21 (=

2007-01-22T17:35:00.000+08:00

this is what u do at home when u have gastric flu and u dont feel like studying (: (oh, and u've finished pride and prejudice. keke.)

Your Inner Child Is Scared

Like a kid, you tend to shy away from new experiences.

You prefer what's tried and true - novelty is scary!

New foods, new places, and new friends are difficult for you to deal with.

Some say you're predictable, but you enjoy being comfortable.

How Is Your Inner Child?

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a giving soul. Way too giving in fact. You often get stuck doing the dirty work that no one else will do.

You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style.

You have the perfect blend of confidence and class. You're proud of who you are - but you don't broadcast it.

In relationships, you tend to be very romantic and demanding. You'll treat your partner like gold, but you expect a lot in return.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

You Are 76% Lady

Overall, you are a refined lady with excellent manners.

But you also know when to relax and not get too serious about etiquette

Are You A Lady?

Your Mind is G Rated

Your mind is cleaner than a nun's. You're totally pure.

In fact, you often don't catch on to how dirty the world really is.

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

Your Gluttony Quotient: 68%

Eating is not just a hobby for you - it's your life.

And while your friends do appreciate your good taste in food, they're a little disgusted by how fast you shovel it down.

How Much Gluttony Do You Have?

kekeke whoops! but i'm still not as bad as david says i am!! its only 68%!

You Are a Learning Cook

You've got the makings of an excellent cook, and the desire to be one.

But right now, you're just lacking the experience. You couldn't be a top chef yet, but you could be an apprentice.

Are You A Good Cook?

maybe i shld take a few lessons from randolf.. mmm..

How You Life Your Life

You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness.

You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.

You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.

You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

You Are 15 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

ALRIGHT! i grew by a year!

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.

You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.

You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.

Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.

You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.

Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.

At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.

You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.

You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

You Are 42% Open

You are a fairly open person, but you also like to maintain your privacy.

You definitely will tell all (okay, almost all) to your closest friends...

But strangers and acquaintances only get a peek into your life.

How Open Are You?

Pepperoni Pizza

Robust and dominant.

When you go for something, you go full force.

You tend to take control of situations easily.

And in return, you get a ton of respect.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

whee!! i like this pizza, so there!! (:

You Are 96% Peaceful

You are the epitome of inner peace and total calm.

You are grounded, emotionally mature, and very wise.

While no one's life is perfect, you have a great amount of perspective on the world - and you place in it.

How Peaceful Are You?

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Joylynn is your soulmate.

You truly love Xuan Yi.

You consider Jen your true friend.

You know that Kim is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Terese for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Musfirah is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Vanessa is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Shi Hui is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Shi Hui changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Shin Jung is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Shin Jung has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

hmm.. they make me sound les.

You Are 96% Happy

It's unlikely that you know anyone happier than you.

You know how to be happy, no matter what life throws at you.

How Happy Are You?

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?

But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

WOOTS!! i'm 40% normal! so much better than the previous 6%! SO THERE CRYSTAL GOH THREE HOLES! (:

Your Life is 89% Perfect

You truly have the perfect life. And you probably feel like the luckiest person in the world.

You have a great career, family, and personal life. You have it going on!

How Perfect is Your Life?

AMEN AMEN! all because of You!

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them

You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky

You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter

It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.

You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.

For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.

A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

You Are Not a Tease

You definitely know how to flirt, but you usually choose not to.

You're not the type of girl who leads guys on - and men appreciate that.

Your charms and sexiness are saved for the one guy you're into...

And for that, he digs you even more!

Are You a Tease?

Your Gemstone is Aquamarine

Intuitive, tranquil, and trusting.

You inspire others to have faith in themselves.

What Gemstone Are You?

2007-01-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

random thing number 7) i refuse to believe my great^1000000 grandfather was a monkey

its been a long time since i posted anything on the happenings in my spiritual life. God had be rather silent the past few months. tho i did grow in my faith through the israel trip and church camp, they were nothing like the growth spurts i had experienced before. through the last part of december.. i was beginning to feel like i was drifting. not drifting away from God.. but drifting as in floating, like a jellyfish, waiting for the current to push me in whichever way it chuses (P&P moment sorreh (: )
i always had this problem.. and my problem is that i never know when i have a problem until after i've solved the problem. HAHA! but thsi time it was different. and i learnt how to face the problem and think through it instead of ignoring it and somehow manage to flounder my way through (:
school started and last monday, trees asked me if i was okay. haha. i tot it was a rather random question, of course i was ok! haha. later, matt and gerald messaged me during break (i have weird caring frens. haha) to ask if i was ok.. well, gerald asked if i was emotionally disturbed. haha. i think their concern made me emotionally disturbed. haha! but if they hadn't asked, i wouldn't have bothered to go home and do some soul searching.
i realised things had been getting me down... gideon's baby girl passing away the day after she was born.. life, death and hanging inbetween situations.. the fact that a few good frens were going through individual rough, no, REALLY rough rocky patches... the world seemed like it was getting darker and darker.our of that list of horrid circumstances... i couldn't find one that was victorious, as of now. u noe that feeling you get when u wana help but u can't? i hate that.
during math, matt helped me think through some stuff.. on paper. haha.
i had begun to struggle to see God's beauty in the world through all the crap that was happening.. all the crap that was staring in my face. it had never really been this difficult to be optimistic..
i wrote:
... Death and sadness is all around and its not like i make friends in the hospital. haha. yet sometimes through th edarkness i can still see His beauty. but its getting harder. sometiems its hard to accept the plans that He has for us and trust in Him. i'm still selfish and want htings my way. and i still get ticked off at the devil. hurmph. His love will prevail! :)
matt:
yeepp i htink that's it... waiting and trusting on God is REALLY hard, esp if you're impatient by nature, like me! =S ...
haha.
then the amazing thing happened. when i read that, i acknowledged that, yes, it is REALLY hard waiting and trusting on God, and my ears opened! haha! opened in the way that H2 will extinguish a lighted splint =P
den i heard Him again, so audibly. i only wished i could have brought some kinda amp so the whole class could have heard His voice too.
and God spoke.. He said He had been waiting for me to acknowledge that.. that i can't do it by my own strenght. if only i had taken the time to lean on Him. true, that the last few months i had heard from Him, but not in this same way and not about something so personal.. not a revelation. through this, He had taught me that i had to LISTETN. to really seek Him to listen tot what He had to say.
i thanked Him for sending me friends like trees, matt and gerald, that He used them to teach me this important lesson i had forgotten. and He said that though He had sent them, it wouldn't have made a difference if i hadn't LISTENED. hahahaha. then..
God: this year will be a year of rest
abby: HUH! are you sure?! YA RIGHT... A levels leh!
God: wait and see, i will give you a year of rest. i will redefine rest for you
abby: okay (:
and then i was reminded by an sms Jay had sent me on new year's eve. it went sth like "happy new year... have a blessed year of rest".
abby: OMG! Jay said that and i was thinking, HAH! YOU have a year of rest, i'll be slaving away. haha (Jay, if you read this, sorry! haha)
God: seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... you NEVER LISTEN!
abby: -blush

keke.
and guess where i am now?
i'm at home resting! haha. thank you trees for smsing me from school and reminding me that God did tell me that last week (:
jeanette messaged me this morning.. haha. and when i told her i was home she said
"rest.. not slack ar"
(:
there, the first boundary of the definition of 'rest' set. haha.

my God you are so BIG
and so STRONG
and so MIGHTY!

another quote from 07S03N in 2006! haha
gerald: *puts his arm around joash during lecture*
joash: tsk. gerald, i think we need to refrain from bodily contact!
gerald: - looks peeved - as i recall, last lecture you were okay with it!!
haha.

my life is in ur hands, and in that, i REST (:

a tribute to my Godsistas! (: thanks for everything trees, matt and laila! :D

that's my arm and that's my declaration. Jesus i will follow you!

top: jan! (:
bottom: drea! (:
6 years of friendship, 4 years of closeness. despite all the trials... all the rough patches, i'm glad we're still standing by each other. if the strength of friendshp is measured by the tests we go through together, i believe the strength of our friendship will carry us through whatever else comes our way! (:

leader's appreciation dinner: abby, pastor joyce, crystal/mentor/THREEHOLES!
keke, just two of the people who moulded me to what i am today.
so if you think i'm weird, take a closer look at them! HAHA! =P

2007-01-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

6 random things about myself (:
1) today, in macs with trees, i randomly decided to write 6 random things about myself so i guess that proves i can be random (i'm transferring this from paper now (: )
2) i think i'll look super weird in the macdonald's hat *trees grunts*
3) i think i've been real blessed with wonderful girlfriends who never fail to be there for me, pick me up when i fall (: joylynn! charm! vanessa! rjcellsgirls: drea jan trees zhiying tings! ally! (: ok fine, and guy friends too. sherron! ron! charles! nick! sam! thank God for you all! (:
4) i'm not sexist
i merely love that i'm female (:
5) i hate vectors =S (hooray for trees who managed to catch up with tutorial 11A1 (: )
6) caramel apple chips please!

GERALD'S STUPID MOMENT
at macs... geraldstupidtay sends an sms
gerald: hello aunty how are you?
abby: i got stomach cancer! kiddin. i got adams gastric flu. haha thanks for asking uncle slash good fren :) [i meant adam passed his gastric flu to me. haha]
gerald: what is adams gastric flu?!
abby and trees: its the gastric flu that adam maclaurin discovered. spread through inhalation of stale rancid body gas. :( [we chose maclaurin over makornikoff (wateva) coz we know gerald's chem is better than his math (:]
gerald: .. is it painful.. how long to recover.. coming sch tmr.. why aren't you sleeping.
abby and trees: its ok its not serious. trees says i'll be fine if you stop burping :)
gerald: are you pulling my leg abt this flu..

hehe. we seriously thought he was being sacarstic in his second and third sms! serves you right gerald! for calling us stupid everyday. hehehe
but did i mention i have awesome classmates?! (: this is why! (: tada!
and we conclude.. Gerald is a good fren (: HOORAY! [stop burping in our faces!]

some 07SO3N quotes (:

walking into bio lab last year.. we find a surprise test on our tables..
ms hor: ok class! as you can see, today we will be having a surprise test! (:
adam: ok we're surprised. can we go now?

during one of our first few gp classes last year..
ryan: there cannot be gender equality because girls can do what guys can do but guys can't do what girls can do!
-stands up dramatically and starts pounding the table with his index finger-
ryan: i can't say.. I DEMAND THE RIGHT TO BE PREGNANT!

da xuan de shi hou... abby and trees support PAP! haha
charlene: I DONT CARE! I SUPPORT DOUBLE-YOO-PEEEEEE COME AND SUUUUEEE MMMEEEE!!

random morning assembly 2006..
hanx: Ryan.. your bag's crushing my bag
ryan: Now.. isn't that sweet?

[Chem lab]
MrTham: You guys must always wash your burette! You never know, maybe the previous user got really bad results, then -pui!- into the burette..
Elizabeth: He's giving us ideas.

[Chem lesson]
MrTham: Steric hindrance!! The backside too big, then cannot have backside attack.. ... you need to cleave it first!
Matthias: -alarmed tone- Huh? Need to clean it first?!

[Chem lab]
MrTham: To achieve level8 for SPA, you must demonstrate high levels of manipulative skills..
Abby: Iago! (Who came to both Trees' and my mind too! HAHA!)~ kopes from qings! (:

[Chem lecture]
lecturer: ... and then you'll see one miscible layer..
ryan: huh? one miserable layer?

during break 06... we get muggerfied :S
someone mentioned: .... char-1-ene!
qings/nat: (realises the connection) zomg! you're an alkene!
qings: HAHA! you have isomers! char-2-ene, char-3-ene!
charlene: -buaysong face- yarh so? what do you want to do with me. electrophilic addition?
qings/Nat: LOL.. (almost simultaneously!) hey let's hydrolyse her/hydrate her!
qings: Add Hcl to Charlene..
Nat: (aq) or CCl4 arh?? Hmm HX...should be (aq).. ZOMG! HX is HanXin!!!
After a while of discussion..
Nat: So we put HanXin and Charlene together in a waterbath!!
qings: nono should be sauna! need heat right?? then HanXin attacks Charlene...
Charlene: oi can your stop it. it's getting dam disgusting

after our last chem spa of 2006
adam: *draws and orange* hey abby whats this?
abby: an orange?
adam: *writes -CH3* whats this?
abby: huh? i dunno..
adam: methy orange!!

down the stairs...
hyqel: yayyy! chem is fun! chemistry puts the cation in education!

one day, trackers and crossers were called for a meeting near the GO after assembly. matt, abby, eli are late for class...
mr tan: why are you all late?
matt/abby/eli: err.. we had a meeting
mr tan: joash also had the meeting but how come he's here already?
abby: oh coz we're in cross country, he's a sprinter.

at sentosa...
hanx: is it me or did the bridge just sag?
girls: -.- high tide lar

one of those manymany days when adam has his sniffles (:
us: adam are you ok? what are you allergic to?
adam: -gives the taokay expression and moans most grudgingly- LLLLIIIFFFFEEE

ok tt's all for today! (: hopefully 2007 will be just as funny! haha. may A level stress not take away our sense of humour (:

leader's appreciation dinner: vanessa*babbyyy! (: my <3

combine service: we're more than just classmates. we're sisters in Christ!what more can a girl ask for? (:

jc grad nite: joylynn! (:

2007-01-02T10:08:00.000+08:00

You Are 82% Grown Up, 18% Kid

Your emotional maturity is fully developed, and you have an excellent grasp on your emotions.
In fact, you are so emotionally mature - you should consider being a therapist!

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howemotionallymatureareyouquiz/">How Emotionally Mature Are You >

YES! i'm emotionally mature! =P

school's starting tomorrow. the holidays just flew by "in the blink of an eye".
PJ was talking about new year resolutions, so i shall make some too.. SO THERE PJ! (:

1) really make JC / 3N my ministry.
i wont let my year long ministry break go to waste!
2) do tutorials before tutorial (thanks eli)
yesyes, be a good student. OR PAY =S
3) read my bible and pray everyday NO MATTER WHAT tests or exams there are the next day
4) be a good cell member in Sean's area and Nicky's cell
yeap! to be a good leader, you have to first learn how to follow and i'm gonna make full use of this year-long break to learn that (:
5) be committed to my mentee and mentor relationships
6) be a good daughter
7) be focussed on my goals in the classroom and on the track
8) be a good friend
9) train properly for 10k! (:
10) listen to sermon tapes and other preachers
- evolution and the bible etc

i think tt should be all ba. haha.
i'm missing my area :(
so, this is dedicated to my dear NORTH SOUTH AREA 2006.
keep the faith! keep rocking for our God. PJ said before, and i agree, you guys are a passionate bunch of people, so keep that passion for Jesus! (:
central, support your new AO, Sean Kong (: it's gonna be one wacky year under him!
RGS and Cedar, support your new AO, Caroline and Crystal! (: just dont be too influenced by their weirdness! =P
i'd also like to thank some people for 2006...

firstly, thank you Jesus. for bringing me through all those trials. thank you for bringing me out stronger and wiser. thank you for moulding my character even more, shaping me even though it hurt. thank you for my family, friends.. and all the other blessings you've placed i nmy life.. my cca, horse riding, job, area, church, school... (: (: thank you for the penang trip, the church camp, and most of all, thank you for bringing me to Your Holy Land.
thank you trees, for being there for me throughout the year (:
thank you ally, for being that friend i could go to in my time of need (:
thank you charm, for being my support and strength, esp when i felt like a failure in ministry (:
thank you joylynn, for ur prayer, love and concern (:
thank you vanessa, for all ur love (:
thank you nick, for supporting me and being a great son! haha, and for the 10k run (:
thank you sherron, for the encouragements and words of wisdom (:
thank you jean, for ur understanding and care (:
thank you joachim, for teaching me, guiding me (:
thank you crystal, for mentoring me and showing me the way (:
thank you caroz and yihui, for going through AOTship with me and for your frenship (:
thank you PJ, for ur pastoral care and wackiness (:
thank you randolf, for ur 'stupid' stories and at times, advice (:
thank you charles, for being a brother (:
thank you sam yuan, for friendship (:
thank you shaun, for being there in my ministry and helping out in every possible way (:
thank you ming, drea, jo, manda, suting, eugenia, shawn, gerlaine, dale, gerry for leading the cells i NS area, u guys did great! (:
thank you sam, guoren, gabriel, cheryl, rach, ben for the concert! (:
thank you 3N, for making school bearable! (:
thank you godsister trees, laila and matt for all the late nights and rooftop dinners! (:
thank you mish, ally, charlene, rach, avery for UK trip! (:
thank you PW mates, vani, gerald, xiaoting and eli! (:
thank you ppl who supported me thru my grandma's death, xuan, jan, zhengxin, isaac, ern etc etc (:
thank you RJ cell, for the fun times, when i went for cell haha (:
thank you jie, deb, kim, wen, mum, dad, yiyi, jiu jiu, yizhang, ming yi for the penang trip! (:
thank you czekin, theodore, lucinda, tian wei, charlene, joey, joy, jason, jasmine, germaine, cord for church camp! (:
thank you joseph, joy, joshua, jay, kenny, sharon for the fun on israel trip! (:

goodbye 2006.
HELLO 2007!
*snarls* hello A levels. Bring It On~

2006-12-22T03:45:00.000+08:00

what do you do when the world tells you who you shld be?
tt u gotta be pretty, smart, sporty, musical... haha. that you gotta be perfect.
tt u girls have gotta be skinny and show some skin
tt u boys have gotta be big and show some muscle

i think...
u look to God and see yourself through His eyes
and you be who He created you to be; a Christfollower.

2006-11-22T00:35:00.000+08:00

kekeke. i was reading on my throne. and i found a poem that describes my exact tots that day in June on the mountains in UK. its uncanny.

She died, - this was the way she died;
And when her breath was done,
Took up her simple wardrobe
And started for the sun.

Her little figure at the gate
The angels much have spied,
Since I could never find her
Upon the mortal side
- Vanished, Emily Dickinson

every painful memory, every vivid image of that moutainside clearly etched in my memory, every emotion... sewed together into a beautiful piece of fabric through this poem, and i heal a little more (=

2006-11-20T16:38:00.000+08:00

I love my work (:

Its more than just teaching kids how to ride a horse/pony. It’s about teaching them self-confidence, trust, communication and how to listen.
Many people think that riding a horse is equivalent to sitting on a horse’s back like a sack of potatoes and trying to stay on (with the help of a saddle) while the horse moves. That’s just plain ignorance, I say.
Someone once told me that to be able to ride means to be able to control any horse that you are on. If you can only ride on horse (perhaps because you just get along well with the horse or the horse isn’t stubborn and all too willing to listen), you still can’t ride. Moreover, horses change just like humans do. (: Buckay used to be a rather nasty lil’ thing who’d swing her head ahead to nip you in the butt any chance she got. Now, however, she’s a whole lot fatter, but a whole lot sweeter too. (: Stand by her head and hug her head with one arm and she’ll slowly drift off to sleep, until you can’t support the weight of her head anymore. Haha. And if you can ride Buckay, it doesn’t mean you can ride Mimo or Smint. (Mimo likes to run away with you or buck, Smint adores bucking.) Then again, if you can ride Mimo in flat work, it doesn’t mean you can jump her over fences. Just like Addison, she sure gets excited at the prospect of being allowed to jump. They’re what Leng calls speedy-gonzalous. Haha. Also, just because you can ride Smint around the areana, doesn’t mean you can ride him out on the polo field. Just because you can jump Getaway in the arena doesn’t mean you can ride him in the jungle. Haha. Ok ok, u get my drift.
Every horse and every ride is different and challenging, that’s one reason why I love it.
Teaching kids to ride… has been more than enjoyable, its been fulfilling.
Sure, I’ve met some lil’ horrors. Haha. Like this boy who seems to really believe he’s a potato sack on his pony. Ponies are very different from vehicles ya know. You can’t just push a button to get them to do what you want them to do. Haha. And then there was this girl, who talks more than she rides. My goodness. Haha.

On the other hand, there’s this little 5 year-old girl called Saraphina. She was rather terrified of riding so last week we pulled her out of group lesson and gave her private lessons. She was very hesitant, hardly daring to lead her pony into the arena by herself. Every simple exercise I asked her to do, she’ll look at me with those (literally) puppy dog eyes and say, “I’m scared.” Then I removed the saddle, got her to ride with only the saddlecloth on and took her on a walk outside the arena, under the trees and on the grass. Slowly I encouraged her to hug the pony’s (Jasmine’s) neck whilst I led the pony in a walk. Then I got her to lie down on Jasmine’s back and tell me what she saw up in the trees. However, she was still slightly frightened and never let go of my hand. Every time Jasmine shifted her weight, she’ll get frightened and tense up. One week later, I took her for a lesson again yesterday.
Abby: do you want to ride bareback today?
Saraphina: yes! *beeeg smile * (I could see her two front teeth were just beginning to come out (: )
This time the saddlecloth came out, so Saraphina rode totally bareback. I told her to hold Charlie’s mane so I could hold the reigns and lead him around the outside of the arena. She was more comfortable this time, but wouldn’t let go of the mane. And then I asked her if she liked High School Musical and she told me her favorite song is Breaking Free, so I started singing and so did she. Haha, even I began to have fun singing with her. Haha. And when we passed by Maneesha (12 year old) and this other slightly disabled girl (both of whom had asked me to burn them a cd of HSM songs the weeks before. Haha), they both looked at us in surprised and began singing too. So, I took out my handphone and played Breaking Free whilst Saraphina and I sang along.
Abby: hey! Soaring, flying, you have to put your arms out!
Kekeke, and she did! She let go of the mane and opened her arms out. I will never forget the confidence I saw in her face that day. Haha. A 5 year-old girl riding without a saddle and with her arms spread out, balancing only by her seat on the pony’s back. I call that a miracle. (: Especially when it’s a timid girl who had no confidence in herself whatsoever. (Last week she told me she had cried coz her tuition homework was too hard. Tuition! At 5! What on earth?! And for three subjects too. No wonder she has no confidence in herself!)
And this time, when I asked her to lie down on the pony’s back, she lay down, completely relaxed, like a rag doll. Haha. Even when Charlie started to walk backwards and sideways, she lay there like nothing in the world could bother her.
Boy, the smile on her mum’s face was a bonus too. Haha.

Then there’s this other 5 year-old girl called Vivian Goh who is a special kid. The first time I took her…
*Jasmine sighs *
Vivian: *GASPS* what the horse doing?
Abby: the horse is breathing (:
Vivian: the horse is breathing? Like me? The horse breath like me?
Hahaha. And..
Vivian: last time the horse small?
Abby: yep! Then the horse grow big! Like you, Vivian big girl now right? (:
Vivian: the horse grow big? Like me? The horse grow like me?
Haha, makes you think about the simple things in life that can bring you joy if you look at it from a different perspective.

And then there’s this new kid, 4 year-old Natalie. She only joined us last week and she’s autistic. Hence, her mother was quite concerned because Natalie loves ponies but once she’s frightened by something, she’ll never do it again. A petite little girl, she was very reserved and it took me 5 mins to coax her into approaching her pony. Every time Jessie moved, Natalie would jump away or hide behind me. Last week I only taught her how to give the pony a nudge with her legs to get the pony to walk. Then I brought her to show off to her parents. Haha.
Natalie: Mummy, look at me. (her intonation is really cute, really sweet. And she’s got an adorable face)
Yesterday I took her lesson again and this time she was hopping about, extremely excited.
Natalie: is it my turn? Is it my turn?
Haha. So sweet I tell you. She even looked me in the face yesterday, (she’s autistic rmb, so it’s a huge deal (: ) and she talked a whole lot more. Haha. Quite a chatterbox. I let her ride bareback too (she’s so light I can just lift her up unto the pony’s back)
Natalie: I’m riding a pony! (lol, u gotta hear the way she says it. Her voice is filled with wonder and amazement.. its… heart warming. Haha. See it the way kids’ see it; the world is beautiful)
Haha she’s been starting her lessons with, “Can I have a ride?” haha.

There are these two other girls, Fik and Fak (for short). Obviously, they’re sisters. Haha. Fik’s the younger sister, 7 year old I think. And whenever they see me, they shout my name, even if I’m 100m away and there’s a crowd of strangers around. Haha. And they always ask if I’m gonna teach them. Lol. Cute lil’ girls. Once, I got them to hold the reigns in one hand and make circles with their other arm. I called it Polo, like playing polo. Haha, couldn’t’ get them to stop after that. And one day…
Fik: Abby! (in her lil squeaky malay voice) I love you.
Hahahahaha. <3<3
Once, we were having a lesson and it started to pour. It only made the more gleeful and I didn’t mind rain or the cold that was seeping into my bones. I felt like my skin had become a sponge. The lesson was cut short after the rain got heavy enough to blind you. But that didn’t stop Fik, Fak, Maneesha, Tobias or Fabio. Haha! They ran right out into the rain and into the puddles, almost rolling in them. It reminded me of the time when I was just like them and brought a smile to my face. But now, now I’m just a big girl sitting with the adults, drying off everything fun in life.
Haha, watching them made me feel both young and old at the same time.

Hehe. Talking about feeling old, there was this 50+ caucasian lady who has lessons too. Its very encouraging to see someone her age get up on a horse and even canter (tho her husband told her not to do anything that might risk her falling off, or breaking anything. Haha) When I’m that age, I’ll still be jumping horses, I say! (=

I'm more than just
Your average girl
I'd like to turn me up
And show the world

Cuz some can talk to talk
But this girl just wants to rock
I'm individual
I'm not like anyone

I can be glam-or-ous
Just like you see in all the magazines
I can be cool as ice
Or anything I wanna be

Who said, who said
I can't be Superman
I say, I say
That I know I can
Who said, who said
I won't be President
I say, I say
You ain't seen nothin' yet

You wanna make some noise
Every girl has her choice
To lead their own parade
I do it my way

I can be somethin' sweet
Or louder than the radio
Louder than the radio
I can be sophis-ti-cated
Or totally good
Or totally good

Who said, who said
I can't be Superman
I say, I say
That I know I can
Who said, who said
I'm not electrifying
I say, I say

[pause]
There's no holding back
Hangin' right on track
Cuz you control the game
So let them know your name
No limitations on imagination

Im-a-gi-nationnnnn
Yea!!

Who said, who said
I can't be worldwide
I say, I say
Time is on my side
Who said, who said
I can't be 10 feet tall
I say, I say
That I can have it all
Who said, who said
I can't be Superman
I say, I say
That I know I can
Who said, who said
I won't be president
I say, I say
You ain't seen nothin' yet
You ain't seen nothin' yet

That's right!
~ Who Said. Hannah Montana

If i had it my way
i would change the rules
that sounds cool
if i had it my way
i would change the world
just one girl
~ If i had it my way. Emma Roberts

Beautiful Lord
Wonderful savior
I know for sure
All of my days are
Held in your hand
Crafted into your perfect plan
You gently called me
Into your presence
Guiding me by
Your holy spirit
Teach me dear lord
To live all of my life
Through your eyes

I’m captured by your holy calling
Set me apart
I know you’re drawing me to yourself
Use me Lord I pray
Take me
Mould me
Use me
Walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter’s hands.

i tot i'd have to go overseas to get my instructor's cert before i could teach for extra money during my university days. now i can do it here! (:

Go chase your dreams. (:

2006-11-13T19:17:00.000+08:00

Once tagged by this entry, the assignment is to write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. Then, pick six of your friends and tag them; no tag backs. This explanation should be included.

1) i regretted going to adam's blog for a good read after i saw this: "I am tagging RYAN, ABBY, ELI, NATALIE, GERARD and SHARON". whoops. that was the firsr thing that came to my mind and i guess it doesn't actually count as a random fact about myself so.. *ahems* i'll start again.

1) i used to hate chocolate and milo in primary school. dont ask me why. i used to think that chocolate was too drying on the throat to be eaten. and then i grew up. and now, like almost every other girl, i truly believe that chocolate and ice cream can solve problems (: and milo began to taste alot nicer when milo trunks appeared that the national schools track and field, and swimmming competitions when i was primary 6. since i was competing in both sports, i think i drank the most free milo in the whole of singapore :P HOORAY!

2) sometimes i wonder if i'm what i was supposed to be. haha. ok maybe i should explain lest i sound like some philosophyfreak wondering if there's a higher being out there making a worm believe it's a human girl called abby. hee. i'm a tracker and exswimmer who was born asthmatic and flat footed. and i quote a certain doctor who really REALLY got on my nerves, "you're not made to run, just quit running, i tell you, just quit." oh tish tosh. i like it, enjoy it and i'm not gonna let some medical know-it-all interfere with my passion and other things science cannot explain. muahaha. so there.

3) i studied in Thailand for two and a half years when my dad's company got posted there. the international school i studied at, Bangkok Patana School, opened my eyes to many things in life that you can't learn in Singapore, much less out of a textbook. just today, i met up with Jen, my first friend in Bangkok and best friend henceforth. we've lost contact with our other friends but we're trying to trace them!! :( :( emma, joanna, steven, william, nicoe, ashely, brittany, neils, daniel, susan, priya etc etc. haha, i remember the fun times we had shaking young trees to dance in the leaf-rain at the stepping stones, running away from "man-eating" geese near the Thai block, oogling at high school couples making out, playing catching/freeze and melt/ chasing the boys into the toilet and guarding the door till the bell rang, locking the boys in the cupboard and getting lectured for it, building a wooden model house complete with furniture for the town mouse and country mouse as a class, dressing up as vikings, eygptians and the like, going around school with our 'passports' on international day, coordinating our (girls') uniform colour which included red.blue.pink.green.lightgreen.purple.yellow, earning 500 marbles as a class so we can go to the adventure playground, yelling at the peeking toms in the girlsbathroom after swimming PE, feeding the random school cats pizza, forming a secret club, going for birthday parties.sleepovers and poolparties, playing trading and collecting pongs and slammers (i remember i once traded SEVEN pongs with some guy for a cool slammer but my mum made me give it back coz it had a skull ticket on top. rarh. i was so mad), putting up class plays, getting involved in the whole who-crushed-me-and-you game, learning typing on the computers outside our classrooms, reading at the reading corners, sitting on mrD's lap yada yada. haha. i loved those childhood days.

4) ok i'm gonna risk embarrassing myself and saying this, i've never had a crush on anyone yet. haha! some ppl call it the gift of celibacy, some just say 'im anti-guy. i say i'm neither, i dunno what i am, i'm waiting. haha.

5) i think i want to have a son when i get married, simply because i think i'd be entertained for the rest of my life (: admit it, boys do the dumbest things and hence are amusing. if your daughter falls down and cry, you can't laugh at her, but with your son, its a different story. and when he grows up, you can start laughing at him (behind his back if needed)and his antics as he tries to get girls' attention.and then you get to laugh at him when he gets his crowning glory sheared off to slog it out in the army ;) wouldn't it be nice? haha. but then i'd want a daughter too, after all that torture.

6) i have one best friend who noes me better than i noe myself (=

hooray i'm done! (:
and i tag sarahyeoyiping, trees (u can do it on the class blog. hee), andrea, janice, aaron, samyuan.

olayolayolayolay~

2006-11-13T17:21:00.000+08:00

i'm come to a decision about that.
yikes, it was such a hard decision to make.
but i realised.. that if i wanted to fulfill my purpose in life... believing that because it's God purpose for me is not enough. faith without action is dead
and so, i'm at that place.. just a few feet away from the mountain peak where you stop to look down to marvel at how far you've come and look up through the pain in your muscles to see how far more you have to go. and wonder if it's all worth it. but i'm no quiter. its just isn't something you do.. to give up. i noe i'd rather suffer the lactic acid and the ringing in my ears after a good hard race, finishing it whether in glory or not, than to walk back along the sidelines.
my dicision is final. and i did it. i wasn't swayed through the talk. and i realised many things..
my dad dwas a youth leader in church before too,when he was exactly my age. and he made the mistake of focussing more on his ministry than on his studies, which was his first calling as a student for God at that time. as a result, he repeated J2.
my mum came from a poor family and outshone all her three siblings but lived in self doubt, always going out to achieve something just below her own capabilities.
though i've known these for years... hearing them tell me their stories over and over again.. i never quite thought much about it. until now. when i see the effects these incidences have on myparents lives coming down upon me in the form of, pressure.
i just read a book about how a mother kept silent whilst her daughter was being abused by her husband. and how in turn, her daughter kept mumb whilst her husband beat up her 4 year-old till she was bloody in the face. what struck me more was how the characters of these two mothers were moulded because of their experiences and how the same traits were passed down to their children. *sits and thinks*

if you keep going in the right direction, you end up travelling in a circle. displacement = zero.
ha. ha.

and its funny that you use a compass to help you draw those circles...

so i'll just live life for all its worth (: (:
making some left decisions and some right ones, as long as you learn from them, u'll travel straight ;)

2006-11-07T11:56:00.000+08:00

its the time of the year again,when God does an evaluation with me... when i'm put through the fire.
it hasn't been an easy year. no, in fact, it has been the hardest year of my life. adjusting to jc life was a challenge in itself, and adjusting to aotship made it harder. then came running away from running and finally succumbing and admitting that i've got a passion for track. and so, on march 30th 2006, abby cheng joined rjc track and field. in that was a wonderful yet tough journey as well, changing my running style... learning to hurdle... but i've come out loving running even more (: and now i have a new love; hurdling. then on 17th may 2006, my grandma whom i loved so much and was so close to my heart was snatched from my life. it was all so sudden i didn't have time to breathe nor reaction when my heart was ripped out of my rib cage. 8 days later, i celebrated my first birthday without her, knowing that she had already started planning for that birthday. the next day, 9 days after her death, i flew half way around the world on the UK Literature trip. away from my family and grieving loved ones, i shoved my grief and mourning down to the depths of my soul. maybe that wasn't the best thing to do but if faced with the same situation again, i'd have done the same thing. through that experience, my God taught me to lean on Him no matter what. in a foreign land with new friends and no family to turn to, i turned to my Jesus and He satisfied. the trip opened my eyes and became one of the most enriching experiences of my life. (other than the mission trip to the outskirts of thailand in 2005) back in Singapore, the common tests sped towards us in 10 days whilst the world was enraptured by the world cup. back in Singapore, the demands of commitment in church weighed down upon me and i found myself questioning procedures. the week after that, was the interschool national championships and i never felt more unprepared for a competition before. nevertheless, God brougth me to it and through it strong. being and aot this year has taught me many things. it has brought me new friends and pushed me to a new spiritual level. i was pushed out of my comfort zone and into organizing area gatherings and the daunting task of preparing a sermon and preaching. no, the road was not smooth. and sometimes expectations all around me made it impossible for me to hold my head up. sometimes even your siblings in christ can hurt you and sometimes an organization can be unforgiving. rj cell has been a blessing to me. although i could never really join them, it was comforting to know that there were those in my school walking the Christian walk with me. at times however, i just wanted to be a girl, abby, not aot, especially in rj cell. but i thank God for the sweet brothers and sisters i have in that cell (: especially sue jen, shu ching and faith. being an aot has made me feel more far away from peers of my age than ever before. but i counted the cost and carried on. in a way, God used this to bring me closer to Him, He is my best friend.

after all that, God brings me back... going through the sequence of events over and over again. what have i learnt? what have i done? how have i grown? where am i in fulfilling my seasonal calling and my long term calling?

as an aot, it has warmed my heart to see people like alisa, adeline, chee yann, shirleen, amandaong, johannes, andrea, weiming, shawn tan, jeron, suting, eugenia, dale, gerrykhong, shaun lee, glenn lee, christine grow. and if there's anything i've done right, anything i'll take with me through my life from this experience, its is the amount by which my faith has grown when these people's growth touched my life and encouraged me to keep walking and keep fighting the Christian fight.

as a jc student, i thank God for my classmates of funky S03N that made the transition and life in jc so much easier and so much more vibrant. they made the unforgiving Raffles Junior College under the Singapore Education System so much more bearable and the experience so much more memorable.

and there are other ppl i have to thank for helping me com this far.. ppl who supported me through my grandma's death: sherron, andrea, janice, joylynn, charmaine, aaron, randolf, jeanette, joachim, ern, isaac, chucky, terese, avery, alison, rachel, michelle, samyuan, charles you, caroline, yihui, nicholas, xuanyi, vanessa yap... i noe it has almost been 6 months. but i still miss her dreadfully everyday and it haunts me at night. but thank you for touching my life and giving me your love (:

and then there are christian brothers and sisters who have amazed me with their love for the lost and allowed me to go on that voyage with them: samlim, guoren, ben, choonwing, gabriel, xianhui, cherylkhoong, rachelang, terese, elisa... i thank God for this group of people that have reached out their hands to more than a hundred of their schoolmates and have opened their hearts to many more.

my grandma wasn't very bright. through an arrnaged marriage, she was married into a bright family... a richer one too. she used to tell me about all the things she suffered through to bring her family (my mum, aunties and uncle) where they are today. it defintiely wasn't easy for her. and i admire her strength, and her love for my Jesus. through all the ridicule and unfair treatment, she was still able to love... and to love so unselfishly. i know she was proud of my achievements on the track, in the swimming pool, in the horse riding arena and in school. and i studied all the harder, just to see her smile and for her to boast to her friends about my academics, something she wasn't able to do for herself... i loved to see the smile on her face and the pride in her voice. and i think... i was cruelly happy to give her something she had lacked that had made her looked down upon earlier in her life. and this year, i missed her telling me i could do it before every exam. i missed going to her house after a competition with my medals and trophies.. i missed lying next to her and watching her breathe and listening to her deafening snore and the laugh that followed it when we poked her to get her to stop snoring (: she had been such a big part of my life and i didn't noe until she disappeared so suddenly. i still remember her on the hospital bed, and telling her how round and cuted she looked (: i still remember lying next to her on teh hospital bed until the nurses rained verbal abuse down on my head to get me off. i remember bringing her 6 stalks of roses... 3 pink and 3 red. i remembered wanting to fufill my dream of becoming a doctor so that i coudl take care of her in her old age.. to learn about all the medication they were giving her. and then i blinked and she was gone. i lost some of my motivation to study. i had so longed for the day when i could bring her my university admission form.. the day when she'd see me in a white coat. and then she was gone and i was left with my dreams un-anchored.

and i turn to You. to fulfill my dreams and the calling you have for me. it still hurts Lord, it still does. help me look beyond my circumstances. help me love.

and to end all that rambling... Lord, what is it that you have for me to learn this year? i feel as if you've put me into the refining fire yet again and i'm willing to stay here whilst you scoop, and scoop, all the impurities out of me. it doesn't feel good, and i find it so hard to come into our presense now... i'm ashamed, of my selfish and sinful nature. of my selfish and sinful actions. and i'm sorry Father, and i pray that you'll still use me for all you wanted me to be.

2006-10-15T07:57:00.000+08:00

all my life
there was jus tme and my dreams
and the days went tickin' by
like the beat of my heart

spent my nights
wonderin' how it would feel
when the waiting would end
and tomorrow would start
suddenly i see the light
out of the darkness i'm comin' alive

so this is how it feels
Reachin' for Heaven
this is how it feels
kissin' the sky
this is what it means
touching forever
like a phoenix rising from the flames
i'm reachin' for heaven

all this time
i never knew i was so strong
but you made me find the fire
that was tehre all along
in your eyes
i can see all i can be
suddenly i want it all
and i know you'll catch me if ever i fall

so this is how it feels
reachin' for heaven
and this is how it feels
kissin' the sky
this is what it means
touching forever
like a phoenix rising from the flames
i'm reachin' fo rheaven

you alone have shown me
shining new hope rises now for all
i owe yo u
it's my turn to show you

my new song for my God, my Jehovah Jireh (=
two weeks ago i kinda applied for a job at a stables, hoping to work with horses and earning money whilst close to the animals i love. i prayed about this opportunity and tried not to be discouraged when i didn't receive any phone call from them. i kept going back to see the horses tho, and making friends with one of the ladies there. i even rode there once (= daddy said that if i wanted it, i shld go get it. anways, i shared with this new friend that i'd like to be a horse riding instructor one day.
a few days later, by God's grace, she called me and told me her boss would like to speak with me the next day. my fren was hoping to help me pursue my interest and passion, she saw me helping out with pony rides and stable management at the stables and eventually helping out with the lessons for junior riders.
yesterday, i went and spoke with the boss (: she wants to groom me to be a riding instructor and she's essentially paying me for it. today i will go for observation; sit in on a lesson another instructor takes and then the next lesson i will conduct. the boss says that if all goes well, i can arrange for my own lessons the following week and that will be my job (:
PRAISE THE LORD! its a dream come true... prayer works! all my life it was just me and my dreams... but now my dreams are becoming a reality. and i thank you Lord i thank you thank yoU! (: (:

there was once i had a vision of me riding on a horse next to Jesus, and we were going for battle. He turned to me and said, "Ride beside me". then He smiled, "What do you think i let you take riding lessons for". i remembered this vision at the altar yesterday when i had another one... but this time, even though both visions were set in the same place, this one seemed to be a continuation (: and it was of my Lord and i, with an army of Christ-followers, charging upon enemy grounds. however, i began to fall behind, my Jesus was far ahead of me in battle. den i prayed, i prayed fervently in tongues, in desperation and my steed and i caught up with our Savior (: He seemed to have waited for us... because of His love for us. haha.
everyday, i want to grow to love you moooorreeee.

some ask me why i love horses. i concluded it was because i'm enchanted by speed, power and grace. perhaps i see in horses what i'd like to see in myself... all that plus strength, God's beauty, faith and trust in their riders (for me, my God).
there's something special in a horse, and at the glorious return of our Lord Jesus Christ, He will be mounted upon... well, a horse (:
elijah was taken to heaven in firing chariots drawn by horses... (:

on another note, i thank God for joylynn (: a beautiful sister in christ who has led me, taught me and guided me. hooray for joylynn! thanks for being who you are girl (: all the best for the rest of ur mocks! -hugs

2006-10-03T01:17:00.000+08:00

(dumbo! do you noe how hard it is to find a dumbo nowadays? yes, so this is my children's day present to self (: )
HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!

promos is finally over and i wont look at my beloved pineapple tarts and see benzene rings anymore! WHEEE! we went out to play play play! and tml we're going out to play again! and i've got so many things planned out.. so many meaningful things to do with my life.

ahhhh, i feel so blessed (:

to all taking N levels:
lisa, vanessa, marc, deb...
JIAYOu! ALL THE BEST! (:

2006-09-21T21:40:00.000+08:00

I thank God for this sister in Christ (:

drea, u've blessed my life (:

abbY*:
It's a amazing how You can speak right to my heart
without saying a word, you can light up the dark
try as i may i can never explain
what i hear when You dont say a thing

Jesus:
The smile on your face
lets me know that you need me
there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me

abbY*:
The touch of your hand says You'll catch me
whenever i fall
You say it best
when You say nothing at all

abbY*:
All day long i can hear people talking out loud
but when You hold me near
You drown out the crowd
try as they may
they can never define
what's been said between Your heart and mind

Jesus:
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me

abbY*:
The touch of Your hand says You'll catch me
whenever i fall
You say it best
when you say nothing at all

u noe, there are times when in your walk with God he seems to be so silent, like he isn't there and isn't listening to you. oftentimes, this happens when your life is getting messy... but u noe, God does this so that you will seek him, harder than ever before! so that you will learn to trust him and lean on him at times like this when you are not strong, and to lean on him even when things are going your way (: no idea why i'm posting this, just felt like it (: and its been too long since i've blogged about anything meaningful aka my walk with God/what we've talked about. haha. so there (:

Lord, thank you for being there for me (: forever and for always. for being patient and kind and understanding... and making me laugh when im down (: u're all i ever want, you satisfy (:
give me strength Father, so that indeed, i will never leave you.

i love you Lord.

2006-09-15T01:34:00.000+08:00

inner struggle of emotions.. and u just can't seem to pin point The One emotion that has you wound up..
you dont noe the person who took his life personally.. and yet the sadness and sense of lost is still there..
maybe for his frens and family members who have had their world shattered.. torn to pieces.
or maybe, for him. he who did what he did for reasons maybe only he will noe
and so with the conflict in my mind and heart. i shall blog and hope it all becomes better through this oddly therapeutic form of technology.

strange that the feeling can be so overwhelming.. i dont dare venture to think of what his close frens and family must be going through. seems like the more u get on with life, the more death seems to find its way to you.
trivial stuff seem to matter so much now. seem to have been blown up.. that makes he who walked the same corridors, who took the same lessons, did the same tutorials.. more personal and closer.. as though you knew him as a fren simply because you can identify with the same social instituion and body of people as he.
the way he left was tragic

the atmosphere in school today was.. a mixture of shock, confusion, forced normality, dissappointment, sadness, constipation. it seemed as though all were at a lost as to how to respond. what do we say? who do we comfort? how do we say what we want to say? what are we feeling? how do we deal with what we are feeling? we were at a lost as to what to do.. how do you carry on acting normal when things just aren't? as pockets of the student population reeled from shock, an emergency civics lesson was called.. and everything that proceeded from henceforth was eerie.. as though taken out from a dreadful japanese horror movie.. almost like a scene from Battle Royale.. i never want to sit through another civics lesson like that again.. under the eagle eyes of our civics tutor and the counsellor.. scanning our faces as though trying to detect from a distance the slightest sign of.. what were they looking for? and a classmate left.. when they offered counselling in the multi purpose room.. when a torrent of emotions.. huge waves of overwhelming feelings fight their way around in ur chest.. and u want to cry but u want to laugh in denial.. u want to run away but you want to stay to sit and think through the mess before you.. it was too tragic to be true.

maybe because of rp.. when all the rg girls in rj know all the rg girls and all the ri boys in rj know all the ri boys.. somehow we're all connected. word spreads faster than wildfire.. everyone is connected to everyone else..(yea.. like a protein.. quaternary structure) and the emotions spread..

these were the things they weren't paid to teach us in school..

the school has suffered a huge blow.. and now.. students and staff scramble to pick up the broken pieces and to make sense of what fate has bestowed upon.. upon whom? if there's no winning end.. there's no losing end.. is there?

frens.. do take care of yourselves.. we're all here for each other...
"a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity" ~ Proverbs 17:17

a song..

when i look around me

i see the tragedies

just below the surface

there's a million hearts that bleed

use me Lord, oh Lord

to show how much you care

i long to see your mercy flow across this land

hearts on fire

burning with ur compassion

Lord my heart's desire

is to see you change our generation

take me with you

Lord how i long to follow you

please take this heart of mine

i hope i haven't written anything in this emo period of time tt i'll regret later. forgive me.

2006-09-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

a pure heart
thats what i long for
a heart that follows hard after Thee
a pure heart
thats what i long for
a heart that follows hard after Thee

a heart that hides your word
so that sin will not come in
a heart that's undivided
but one you rule and reign
a heart that beats compassion
that PLEASES YOU MY LORD
a sweet aroma of worship
that rises to your throne

Lord, let me hide in Your wings ='(

2006-09-11T20:06:00.000+08:00

07S03N. we do pay attention in class, most of the time.. but jc life can be sooooo tiring
(=

to all my fellow jc students; victims of the Singapore Education System =P all the best in your exam preparation! when u're stressed.. chocolate helps (:
yea yea, exam period no exercise.. therefore u shldn't be eating those extra calories.. but look here
"The priest shall burn them on the altar as food, an offering made by fire, a pleasing aroma. All the fat is the Lord's"
Leviticus 3:16
here, have an mnm ;)

2006-09-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

studied/caught up with Bel this week! (: here we are, exclassmates, friends.. foodlovers! haha. vicepresident and president (from left) of the Food Appreciation Network aka FAN (: presenting Bel, with the pink belt i gave her for her birthday. haha. people change, and grow to like pink (: bright and cheery colour!
had lots of fun studying with her and her two classmates (timon and junxiang? oops)

look what i found on my computer.. hee

2006-09-02T00:20:00.000+08:00

(: i love trees! haha as in the person. aha!
she says i talk alot of nonsense but i dont think so!
she says she fears for her sanity when we talk about and laugh over nonsense but i dont think so!
she says i'm so used to my nonsense that i dont even realise its nonsense but i dont think so!
IN FACT, i think i have grown up alot this year. yes (:
i think i've become more serious, more consistent...
i have laughed less
i have learnt to control my laughter instead of letting it control me. it always insisted on rushing out like a torrent of lava. lava because it always leaves me red, breathless and with an aching stomach
enough of that
i like studying with trees
and shopping with trees
and designing+making our pins with trees coz roxy didn't want to sell us the pretty pins separate from the ugly shirt
look at mine! hehe

and i love my godsistas!! haha. yes matt! we need to meet up and mug! until its dark enough for us to have dinner on the school roof again (: this time we go seventh floor roof k! (: i thank God for my godsistas matt, trees and laila! (: (:
God forbid matt be too influenced by us. we shall learn manly ways for his benefit :D haha

teachers day was good! mr tham has erm. cool dance moves. aha! (: went back to rg and omg i miss ms leow!! haha. she's so cute! i can't believe she's still not married. guys must be blind. haha. she really was an inspirational teacher.. and like i said, if it weren't for her.. i'll be in xinwei's place now =P (yes xinwei, i said it again! hehe).. dying with boring econs instead of lively lit! (:
met andrea and cherie back in rg (: miss rg track! haha miss you jo! and all the other juniors.. haha. support ur new captain chew min alrite! and all the way for next year! a captain is only as good as the people who support her (:

ministry sure is great fun! haha i love the ao team! (no i am not over using the word 'love', i truly mean it alrites.) yihui, charmaine, caroline, joachim, sherron, crystal, shiwei, pj! haha. we had so much fun on sunday during ao l cell.. and before it.. and after it too. haha.

recently, i've been learning alot from some christian books i'm reading.. and i feel so.. pleased with the world. haha! no, just generally happy.

another reason why i'm feeling so brilliantly happy today? i got an email from jacinth! haha. it was great to noe how God is working in Turkey and how she has been. my God is so big, so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do! her email was not only refreshing and comforting but extremely encouraging as well!

cheer up squeezee! promos will not get us down! holidays will still be holidays for me! i'm gonna do sth fun everyday! YES I AM. (:
jean! how did u find my blog! haha. mrs samuel low... u are sneaky! and u dont get to pinch my cheeks just coz i'm cheeky (: NO pun intended. (:

Jesus I Love You, More Everyday (: (:

2006-08-29T20:59:00.000+08:00

whee! lots to update (:

19th August 2006
members of the rgs cell and ex central one cells gathered at my house for a surprise party, celebrating jan's, drea's and sherron's birthday (: more details may be found on their blogs (with the exception of sherron who doesn't have one)

21st August 2006
sherron's birthday!
but more importantly, my friendship day with VANESSA YAP! (: (:
here, i'd like to say that vanessa has been such a great blessing to my life i dont know where i'll be done without her (:
she was always there when i needed her, and she always gives so freely without asking for anything in return (:
she taught me how to love, how to express my love for a friend through words and how to hug (:
i am forever grateful to the photocopier that brought us together (:
VANESSA! thank you for your friendship, thank you for.. everything.
i really really really really really really thank God for a friend/ sister in christ like you (:
you are beautiful in His eyes, there is nothing you have to be ashamed about (:
LOVE YA LOTS AND LOTS! (:

26th August 2006
i woke up at 5:12am to head to Changi Airport to send joey off =(
though she's one friend i haven't spent alot of time with, the times we've had together i will never forget (:
waiting for you to come back soon girl! (:
a gazillion people were there to send her off (: including hanxin, darren, christine, carol, timon yada yada
i wish you all the best in UK dear! will be here if u need me (:
in the evening, i miraculously found my way across SIngapore, IN THE DARK! for zhiying's birthday party with 3N-ers!
i love our class.
the party was a blast (:
and we have videos to forever remember... nvm (:

27th August 2006
woke up early again and had a good catch up session with bbc! (:
who later taught me math, heh.
den there was ao l-cell, which was brilliant.
loving growing and serving with you guys (: honestly.
and its so awesome that we're growing closer as a team, on a more personal level (:
i thank god for joachim, pastor joyce, charmaine, yihui, caroline, crystal, sherron, shiwei (:
the taiwan team joined us! and it was great worshipping God together... having the team join us really hit home the message that God is in control (: he is so much bigger than we all are and his plans are even more hugomongous than we can ever imagine! so dont let life get you down! God is good, all the time. and all the time, God is good! he will not forsake you (:
i brought my, quotes matthias, "blackmail camera" to church and we had fun taking pictures! haha. i have a feeling we girls are in danger of becoming camwhores. nooo! (:

we've even got a video of janice half dancing half running as she chased sherron round and round the table. haha. she almost whacked us for taking that video and chased us all the way up the stairs. what in appropriate behavior in church! from ladies too! haha. HEY, WE HAVE FUN IN THE HOUSE OF GOD!! all the time, everyday (: where his presence is, there my joy will be also. haha.

28th August 2006
trees and i had a good time at the roxy sale! haha

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sidenote (:

abby+zhiying+eli: yes lets plan for our baking party!
zhiying: adam are u coming?
adam: what do you do at a baking party?
zhiying: you bake stuff and then you eat them!
adam: *makes a taokay face, again* what? why would anyone want to do that?! its like, hey ryan! why dont you come over to my house and we'll assemble the xbox

lol

darren has been dared to kiss gerald ON THE CHEEK MIND YOU, at zhiying's party
darren: can you stop acting like i'm raping you?!
gerald: i'm not acting!
darren: i'm not raping you!

ahaha

2006-08-19T10:56:00.000+08:00

i learnt something yesterday (:
no matter how big our obstacle/hurdle/problem, trust in the Lord to give you strength. ok, i noe i've learnt this before BUT, yesterday i got to see it for real... and experience it (:

jumping kinabalu last week really showed me the meaning of "ye of little faith" that pony is small but POWERPACKED! like 100ml of energy drink. so, this week when i rode him again, i had more faith in him and his abilities. but he took us all by surprise! that little pony is about.. his legs are only 1m long!

daniel set up a jump. height: 85cm - 90cm
daniel: ok who wants to jump! you want to jump it?
abby: YES! (: (:
daniel: OK! if u want it, go for it!

so i took kinabalu towards the jump.. along the way.. i have no idea what came over me! i lost my stirrup! like a beginner, i lost my stirrup. and my line was ALL WRONG. but anyway, four strides before the jump i managed to get my stirrup back on the ball of my foot, three strides before the jump i got my line right. kinabalu didn't rush, he didn't pull like some horses do. he didn't even speed up.. all i felt was his canter becoming stronger with the last few strides, keeping the same rhythm. and i felt his courage. one stride before the jump, i took a look at the bar that was so high it was almost above kinabalu's head. doubt filled me but i pushed it away, if this pony believed his maker made him small but still perfectly able to clear that jump, i was going to trust in him and in his maker, who also happens to be my God (: kinabalu certainly took a leap of faith then, and when we landed that jump together, the world cheered (:

everyone's looking for a hero, someone brave enough to do the things they never dared to try. and today, kinabalu is my hero (: and he taught me:

in everything, never say hey God, i have a big problem. instead, say, hey problem! i have a BIG God (=

(i'll get a photo of dear kinabalu soon!)

alright promos, bring it on.

2006-08-18T05:26:00.000+08:00

for you (:

blessed assurance, Jesus is mine
oh what a foretaste of glory divine
heir of salvation, purchase of God
born of his spirit, cleansed in his blood

this is her story, this is her song
praising her savior all the day long
this is her story this is her song
praising her savior all the day long

perfect submission, perfect delight
visions of rapture now burst on her sight
angels descending bring from above
echoes of mercy, whispers of love

this is her story, this is her song
praising her savior all the day long
this is her story this is her song
praising her savior all the day long

perfect submission, all is at rest
she and her Savior are happy and blest
watching and waiting, looking above
filled with his goodness, lost in his love

2006-08-18T05:19:00.000+08:00

17th Aug 2006

exactly three months..

last friday, i finally brought my special blanket home from your house
it still smells of you (:
there's so much that time cannot erase
there are times when the tears still come and the pain still lingers
i love you ah ma
wo bu ku
i remember the last time i used that blanket when you were still here (:
i left sch early, sick, and went to your house
you took care of me (:
i remember feeling so loved, so safe.. so strong
the smell of that didn't leave the blanket with a washing
my blanket brings me closer to you (:

2006-08-16T00:12:00.000+08:00

the Godsisters' expedition!

(took me 9875398475934 years to upload this photo. blogger has been bullying me lately, thats why no megalympics picture =( )

ANYWAY. this is how we destress after studying (abit, but thats not the point!haha)

reply to tags! (:
cheryl: haha no big. its not me being nice, u guys were really good! hehe. take care dear (= see ya on sunday!
gen: muahaha, ask charmaine to get you one too. haha. and i didn't bring it to sleep in lecture! =( yuan wang!
squeezee: haha u and gen can use each other as shoft toys ba (:
iamburpy: wahhh how can u look down upon me liddat?! sunday, u get it. haha
manda: (= we gotta meet up again sometime ya! meanwhile, hope exams have been alrights (: take care!

2006-08-13T16:01:00.000+08:00

Thank You - The Katinas

Just a little while longer I wanna pray
Can't get You off my mind so I came to say
Thank You Lord, just for loving me, alright
Many times I do forget
Every need that You have met
Oh thank You Lord, I know You're showing me
You are there when I am down and out
You're holding me, Your love is so amazing
Oh it changed me

CHORUS
Here I am with all I have
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank you, oh thank you
For everything, for who You are
You cover me, You touch my heart
I wanna say thank you

I could have died in my sin but You saved me
Didn't have any hope at all
You gave me peace divine, strength to carry on
I should have been the one to pay
But instead You took my place
Amazing grace, it's more than just a song
Even though I don't deserve Your love for me
You look beyond my fault and You showed me mercy

CHORUS

I wanna say thank you for the sun
Lord we thank you for the rain
Thank you for the love You gave

really, thank you Lord. why is there no other way to say thank you?
thank you
xie xie
korpkunkar
jesu teneh
kamsia
thank you so much.. =')

2006-08-13T14:40:00.000+08:00

HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD! SING WITH ME, HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!

once, not too long ago, there was a group of sec two girls from rgs class 203 (= their names were lisa, sara, jenn, melissa, shihui, amelia and abby. abby and sara were christians but they didn't go to church regularly.. and when abby did, she only went for the adult service with her parents and was perpetually bored. sara began to go to church with abby in pasir ris, Riverlife, and they both joined the youth group called Megalife. however, both were not very committed and frequently came up with excuses to miss cell group meetings. lisa was a catholic, shihui was also christian who did not attend church and amelia was muslim. jenn and mel had no religion.
in December 2003, sara and abby were forced to go for the Megalife church camp and reluctantly, with much apprehension, they dragged themselves there, dreading everything that was the come. HOWEVER, it was there that they met God in a more intimate and personal way.. and where hurts were surfaced and wounds were healed. from then on, sara went to PLMC, a church near her house and abby continued in Riverlife, going for youth services and cell group meetings regularly where they both grew in their faith and love for Jesus Christ (:
shihui also began to go to church regularly! (: in sec three, sara and abby both found ministries to serve the Lord in (:
in sec four, melissa came to christ! and in december of that same year, jenn came to know the Lord too! when abby found out she was jubilant and the joy cannot be compared! (:

even though we were all separated after sec two, the Lord worked with each of us in different ways, he never gave up on ANY one of us! (: abby chanced up on jenn's blog and was amazed by how God has worked in her life (: (:
God! You are awesome (: (: you are truly awesome!
and my heart trust in you..
i love you Jesus!

2006-08-13T13:23:00.000+08:00

Bring the Rain - MercyMe

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty

Yes Jesus, bring the rain.

2006-08-13T11:36:00.000+08:00

megalympics was a blast! big bang! :D
NS AREA! hahaha. Lord i thank you for giving me this area.. i find your joy in each and every one of the members! and its so amazing how big you are.. and how u're working in each and every life (= well done cheerleaders! u showed commitment and ownership! and NO, u did NOT over do it (= HEAR THAT CHERYL! U GUYS WERE BRILLIANT. and adeline and dorcas! the banner and flag are terrific. i wont let it go to waste :D i will pester joachim until he lets me hang it up somewhere =D i think the best part about megalympics was the area coming together (i thought we looked great in our black area shirts tha i was afraid wont come out well! (;) and having a whole load of fun together with our different talents etc (: hip hip hooray!
[aside]
i have no idea why blogger doesn't want to let me upload any pictures. hurmph.

zhiying joined us for church and cell yesterday! (: haha, and it was the first time i sat with my cell.. and the fourth? time i've been for cell group. haha. and almost everyone was present! (: jean will be proud :D

OH! on friday i went for horse riding lesson and i was scheduled to ride kinabalu again! hahahaha. the teeeny tiny pony that i rode before in the beginning of the year. BUT. this time i was going for a JUMPING lesson. SO, i went to clarify with daniel and he said to just ride kinabalu. me of little faith.. i doubted kinabalu could jump, esp with ME riding him! i mean.. the pony comes up to my elbow! by oh my.. that little pony is powerpacked! he taught me what daniel has been trying to teach me verbally.. to lean back to control the mount but at the same time be able to kick the horse forward and ride uphill. kinabalu not only cantered faster that HUGE addison, but jumped the same height as well! (timing wise.. very different from jumping a horse that will take off futher away from the jump.. kinabalu takes off right in front of the jump but u can't blame him coz the jump comes up to his EARS!)
kinabalu reminds me of 1 Tim 4:12 "Do not let anyone look down upon you because you are young" OR SMALL! (that reminds me.. this was the verse trees' pastor picked for her at the baptism. hahahaha. coincidence? i think not! (: )
back at the stables.. i was extrememly impressed by how kinabalu as VERY firm/ hard muscles.. everywhere! even his neck! (unlike flabby mimo. i keep telling her to stop eating too much but she wont listen. tsk)that is one strong pony i have come to respect alot (:

bathing after horse riding.. my horse riding lesson classmate, this lady (lady 1) who is approximately 40++ years of age and has a 16 year old son in RI asks this other lady (lady 2) who is about 20+ years old ..
"who is ur cute fren?"
whereby they both proceed to discuss this mystery man's breeding as one would with horses.. or cats.. or dogs.. or any other animal for that matter (:
upon hearing that mr mystery man has blood from a variety of nations coursing through his veins..
lady 1: wow, thats really good, very attractive.
lady 2: well, i thought so! (:
lady 1: now you just have to check his wallet. after checking his looks, gotta check his wallet (: (jokingly of course!)
lady 2: ahh.. we have our ways, we women.
I WAS HIGHLY AMUSED!

2006-08-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

2006-08-10T08:25:00.000+08:00

Shaun got us tickets for NDP! and we sat at the grandstand with a great view (= thanks shauN! (:(:

xuan and i, preparade (=

dew and i. i'm so white and they're so tan.. i look lik i'm glowing next to them (no i didn't mean for that to rhyme)

shauN! the one who got us the tickets. haha. YAY

hehehe. xuanyi has been "security checked"!

really fun evening/night.. and today, we have MEGALYMPICS. (:

2006-08-09T08:57:00.000+08:00

BOO! this is what we do in school! (=
freaky. promos are coming up and that means that half my jc life is about to end! haha, hey jo, i took triple science and lit (=
having juniors like jo, vick and dorcas ask me about subject combis has made me mis rgs. haha. so i went looking through all of our photos from last year and realised they are not enough! hence i am determined to bring my camera to school everyday to capture (hopefully) every moment of jc (:

abby and trees.. sad to have to leave rgs =(
hehe, thanks for being a great fren trees! at that time *points to picture*, i never thought we'll become closer frens. thank you for tolerating all my nonsense and rubbish! (: good times and bad =D and when it comes to this frenship, i'll be the leech i am on the netball court =P

and here we are now! abby and trees in rjc, body jam pe elective (=

i am abigail cheng, (ex-) rgs student
and this *points down* was my table (:

zhiying accepted christ at FOP on saturday! PRAISE THE LORD! (:(:

2006-08-03T01:10:00.000+08:00

Ode to Pyridine
Ah, sweet pyridine, thy vagrant scent
Doth waft up from my testtube, redolent,
And venture forth, in tendrils of perfume
To every distant corner of the room.
No hood on earth is there that can suppress
The wand'rings of thy cyclic happiness;
No hood is there that can contain or hide
Thy aromatic eagerness inside.
No prof or student, passing through the room,
Can quite evade the tendrils of thy fume,
Nor can they, drawing breath, stay unaware,
That thy six-membered rings pervade the air.
Come, my sweet amine, no more conspire
To fill this humble lab of mine entire,
Instead, let love thy pungency efface
In some fair Lewis acid's fond embrace.
Yes, lend her thy electrons, sweet amine,
That lie outside thy circle, lone and lean,
And stretch thy bonds in themomotive glee
In some wild acid's hungry company!

beautiful (=
see the beauty of the mind of one who has mastered the sciences and the arts
haha
what was that u were saying about 3N being "art students who chose the wrong combi"?
so sorry sir, mix arts and science?
i like.

[aside]
i really dont understand boys.
confused. headache.
aiyo.

2006-08-02T21:09:00.000+08:00

RUBBISH.

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.

You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum.

Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

of all the ways to relax.. haha. ok abby's gonna get a life and..
awwww..
PW :(
haha (:
oh gosh i shall stop here.
"In ur life, things are so twisted taht u just have to laugh" is NOT true.

2006-08-02T20:51:00.000+08:00

I FOUND THIS HIGHLY AMUSING!! HAHAHA. GIRLS! GO DO IT AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT URSELF HAHAHA. 140pounds/kg. I'M SURE... hahahahahahhahaha *wipes eyes*

You Should Weigh 140

If you weigh less than this, you either have a fast metabolism or are about to gain weight.

If you weigh more than this, you may be losing a few pounds soon!

How Much Do You Weigh?

2006-08-02T18:17:00.000+08:00

(do you see God's beauty? (: )

i usually get back home when the sky looks like that (= or when its totally dark. today, however, i reached home when it was still bright and cheery! hehe. mum and i watched You've Got Mail together.. am i beginning to appreciate old people romance?

anyway, Lit Week has been tremendously enjoyable so far! our class skit by darren, adam and two fencers was incredibly impressive. dressing ryan and joash up for the costume parade has high entertainment value as well (: then there was ally who was a BRILLIANT lavinia! oh my.. reminded me so much of the titus andronicus production we watched at the globe during the UK trip. BAD MEMORIES. so freaky. and tt's why it was so great. well done ally, mish, char, rach! and whoever else from ur class who helped you. haha. excellent. ally even puked up blood/vomit.. talk about being realistic (: and then there were the stalls.. all so amusing!
"black ram topping white ewe" (quote by iago, from othello) = chocolate coated marshmallows
"out vile jelly!" (adapted from lady macbeth in macbeth) = jelly
tarts = "bianca's biscuits" (bianca the prostitute from othello)
bubble tea = "bubble trouble" (probably adapted from macbeth)
willy wonka's weight loss wonders = ?? din see! =P haha, alliteration!
a stall called "The Inner Station" (from Heart of Darkness) that sold hearts of darkness = heart shaped muffins/brownies in two flavors [chocolate chip? = regular heart of darkness and chocolate? = immense darkness. haha!]
then there was "Dickens' Kitchen" that sold "Dickens' chickens", "oliver twisties" and "moby dick balls". kinda sick but we forgive them this time (=
and then there were shakespeare shakes..
one class sold "Marlow (milo) and Kurtz (beancurds)" they must have studied their heart of darkness text real hard..
FINALLY! there was The Lord of the Rings! a "joint PRODUCTion by 3N and 3P", "no pork, no lard and no CARATS". (=
oh! and the poems we get to read during lectures! (:
my favorite so far:

Valentine
you are the fairest of your sex
let me be ur hero
i love you as one over x
as x approaches zero

haha! hyqel read it during math lecture.. den we realised that the poet forgot to restrict the domain to x = all POSITIVE real numbers so that the graph will be increasing towards positive infinity. OH NO! its ok, we did it for him. (:

and here is an EXAMPLE of what you get when math students also take literature (:
function of 'i' plus 'e' to the power of 'r' times 'e' times integration of e
= hi terese
get it? (= draw it out! (;

2006-08-01T00:09:00.000+08:00

if there's one thing i regret
its that i cant be perfect
i'm sorry

Father everything is becoming so overwhelming.
i need to meet you in my secret place..
oh Lord..
only You are my strength
only You wipe away my tears
only You take me just as i am..
only You will ever understand
You're the only one who sees me from the inside out...
and yet You're the only one who doesn't judge me
but loves me unconditionally
abby needs Your strength to remain strong
hurt and disappointment.
ask more of me, why dont you
confusion and dismay
i struggle to keep my eyes on You
take a look through my eyes, why dont you
step into my shoes, why dont you
dont push me away and say i dont care
tear me to pieces
go away world, go away you
into Your hands, i commit again, all i am
its not much
but its all i have to give
please let it be enough
i have nothing else to give, no one else to give to

2006-07-31T23:53:00.000+08:00

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker.

What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions.

You love to hear complements from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself.

Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

How Do You Communicate?

You Are An INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.

Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.

It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.

But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

2006-07-30T13:35:00.000+08:00

You Are 12 Years Old

What Age Do You Act?

someone prove them wrong pls!

2006-07-30T12:11:00.000+08:00

after having some help analyzing myself and my frenships, i've realised that i'm terrible at maintaining them.
gotta work on action and not talk. but frens, i really wont forget you guys. even if i dont show it.
i guess it seems like i "move on" to the next group of frens real fast.
i never thought the amount of time spent will diminish the bond or cause barriers
and i noe now that i was wrong
dad says its because when we came back from Bangkok, i left all my frens behind. and now (as is expected of students who studied in international schools), they are all over the world and this world wide web hasn't helped me locate them. i remember how much it hurt then and daddy taught me that frens will always come and go. family and God are the only constants i will have. so i learnt not to hang onto frens too tightly.
but then again, if people have different love languages. cant i have different fren language?
thought provoking..

peripeteia. comeon.

what happens when all i have to give is not enough?

2006-07-24T00:56:00.000+08:00

vaji/vani: hehe. it was fun interviewing those ppl with yoU! yayy (:
loong: glad u feel that way :D run the race, keep the faith! haha SUU.. tt's like xiaoting's surname! and no i am NOT retarded (:
alisa: (= keep growing girl! proud of how far u've come :D

aunt rebecca fell and fractured her leg today.
deb said it felt like we keep going to the hospital this year. haha
thank God she's ok tho.. but she has to go for OP tml.
i plead the blood of Jesus over her! keep her safe and well Lord! (:
my heart trust in you (:
i walked into SGH foodcourt for dinner.. thinking of TTSH's ban mian.
haha. feel like some makan sutra dude trying out all the foodcourts at different hosptials -_-

yay! shaun has ndp tickets! (:

to my dearest class, 3N
we WILL word hard together!
we WILL NOT allow people to write us off as "art students who chose the wrong subject combi"
NO.
we WILL prove them wrong
and hey, our marks aren't everything (:
too bad they can't see how great each and everyone of you are
like char said, we have so many different kinds of people in our class.. and different ones of us have touched each other in different ways (:
thank you char for being sucha great fren and sister in christ, u've been an encouragement to me
thank you chucky for your care and concern, thanks for being a fren (:
and just to show the world a little bit of how special we are:
adam - our number one ah boy with not so hidden, hidden intelligence and musical talents!(:
chucky - our tall classmate with the boyish face and debater way of talking!(:
hanxin - our motherly figure in class and who is now miss-top-the-class-for-gp!(:
juee - our gymnast with a variety of eye colours and hair styles! (:
sophie(sufei) - our national fencer and her lame jokes and slightly warped sense of humour! (:
sophie (xinying) - our dudette from new york with her bubbly nature! (:
qingqing - our little girl with the huge infectious laughter! (:
matthias - our daogei and choir boy who is strong in the Lord! (:
joash - our sprinter/hurdler who keeps us grounded and amused! (:
trees - our sailor girl who is slightly insane and hilarious! (:
char - our misschiobu who loves to compose songs and sing for God's glory! (:
kris - our other motherly figure who is never flustered and never pissed! (:
aud - our choir girl who is hardworking and has brains to match! (:
darren - our fencer cum actor and the first person to prove sleeping and walking is possible! (:
subash - our big but gentle giant who is also our ct rep! (:
hyqel - our van helmy and geepee rep of arabian background and a flare for guitar! (:
ryan.d - our almost class clown who demanded the right to be pregnant during gp one fine day! (:
gerald - our class brains and SLACKER who never fails to provide us with entertainment! (:
eme - our class shooter who looks placid but will humour u when u least expect it! (:
xiaoting - our archer who can always be counted on to exclaim at random times and crack us up! (:
nat - our class other smarty pants and archer who aspires to learn horse riding and become legolas! (:
dheesh - our pretty indian who is as demure as she looks but is sporty too! (:
vani - our amusing and matter of fact, practical dudette! (:
eli - our class best juggler of hectic schedules who runs and debates! (:
zhiying - our other ct rep from holland who is the best at organising our class parties! (:
aisha - our pe rep with a great sense of humour and is R for responsible for our V for valuables! (:
laila - our best imitation of a minna and narcissictic pro hockey player! (:

Jesus i love you
bow down before you
there is no other so great
Jesus i need you
i'm thirsty for you
You're worthy of my praise

and to You who gave me all these and made all these possible..
i can never thank you enough..
i can never give you enough to show you how much i love and appreciate you and all u've done for me..
so take my life
i will live it for You, Lord
only You.

2006-07-20T22:44:00.000+08:00

i'll never be the same
because he changed my life when
he became
EVERYTHING TO ME
he's more than a story
more than words on a page of history
he's the air that i breathe
the water i thirst for
and the ground beneath my feet
he's everything, everything to me
we're living in uncertain times
and more and more i find that i'm aware of
just how fragile life can be
i cant to tell the world i found
a love that turned my life around
they need to know that they can taste and see
now everyday i'm praying
just to give my heart away
i want to live for Jesus
so that someone else might see that he is
EVERYTHING TO ME!

2006-07-20T22:09:00.000+08:00

(:
my dear Jesus,
you must be really good friends with my guardian angel coz you guys sure work fast (=
thank you for sending trees and matt ((=
remember two days ago when i was reading that chapter about angels?
they say angels can take human form and visit humans.
i say trees and matt come pretty close (:
thank you for giving me such great siblings in Christ
i'd also like to thank you for aud and kris :)
u noe Lord, i didn't feel like going to school tml
but u gave me frens i can lean on and u gave me strength!
mummy says you are close to the broken hearted
in that case.. i dont mind this broken heart, i'll keep it, u dont have to give me a new one
and in ur word, you said "blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted", your word never lies (:
mummy said "how to have joy when we do not have victory. and how to have victory without testings or trials?"
in that case.. as long as you be my strength and comfort, COME WHAT MAY
trials and tribulations
they try to test my faith
but i keep my eyes on Jesus
and the tasks that lie ahead
for He is all that matters
after all is done and said!

"you oh Lord made the sunshine! and the moonlight! in the night sky. you gave me breath and all your love, i give my heart to you because, i cant stop falling in love with you! i'll never stop falling in love with you!" and u'll never leave me (=

"for as long as i shall live
i will testify to love
i'll be the witness in the silences when words are not enough
with every breath i take
i'll give thanks to God above
for as long as i shall live
i will testify to love" (:

haha thank you for listening to me Lord! (:
I'LL KEEP KNOCK, KNOCK
KNOCKIN' ON HEAVEN'S DOOR
I'LL KEEP TALK, TALK
TALKIN' COZ YOU ANSWER LORD
WON'T BE STOP, STOP
STOPPIN' SO BE LISTENING FOR ME
I'M KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCKIN' ON HEAVEN'S DOOR!!

2006-07-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

Lord, i need you now, more than i can explain..

"i dont wanna go somewhere
if i noe that u're not there
coz i noe that me without you
is a lie
i dont wanna walk that road
be a million miles from home
coz my heart neds to be
where you are
so i dont wanna go" ~Avalon

save me Lord, from this slippery cliff
i think my heart has lost its direction
it has alot of things to relearn
and i dont noe how to teach it
help

nainai got baptised on sunday
i was really happy (:
i am really happy
spent some good quality time with her
but i'm afraid to get closer to her
i want to
i do
but i'm afraid
afraid she'll leave me too

2006-07-19T00:20:00.000+08:00

ok! (: abby will blog more :D

lets see..someone should give me an award for having diarrhea for four weeks and not remember to go see the doctor (: mum said she didn't think there was anything wrong with me because i was still eating so heartily at every meal. i can't decide if that is a good or bad thing. hehe. unfortunately, the doctor prescribed me some diarrhea medication and i ate the whole lot, forgetting that he said to just take it till my diarrhea subsides. u dun wanna noe the consequences i am now facing..

tml is track nationals and this will be the first time in my life i'll be up on the stands, cheering. yes. feels kinda weird not being focussed on any race, not being nervous.. haha but i guess it'll be a good experience (: some classmates are going! haha and i get to see my BELOVED JUNIORS AGAIN! (yes dears, i noe y'all will read this. haha) go rg track!
mmm then there's track dinner after that. i'm not even close to the trackers! slightly closer to the crossers but still. i miss rg track :( ok, abby doesn't like to think about unhappy thoughts (thats why i dont think about CTs much (: )

matt and i ran to polo club today! trees and khong met us there and they got acquianted with my bestfrens! WELL COME TO MY WORLD FRIENDS (= they met, fed and touched mimo, smint, onslow, kinabalu, trade time, addison, getaway, buckay and buzz (= there are alot more guys! haha. everyday is a happy day when u're with frens and horses. haha!

trees and i went shopping the other day! i love shopping with you girl! haha. i dont normally shop with frens, mostly with my parents/sister/cousins/solo (= and yes matt, shopping is a form of exercise, u shld have followed us around, bet u'll feel more tired than you would after cross training (: but u'll smell better :D we shopped shopped shopped! novena square, far east, heeren and cine. haha. at least i dont do this often. noooo, abby will NOT turn into a shopping kinda girl. running/riding anyone? (: i bought mummy a cute penguin water dispenser (: now she doesn't have to walk up and down so much to get water. YAY.

note to self, stop slacking in ur spiritual life!

everyday is great, perfect, brilliant. except that racial harmony day is coming and mish wants me to wear a kimono, because of my "korean heritage" haha.
oh! my cousin, weijing, got third or pole vault! haha so proud of him :D pro not pro not? hehe.
all things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small... whee!

to all those out there, relax!
enjoy ur food (ahem to .. :D )
enjoy ur snacks
enjoy ur school life
enjoy ur work life
enjoy ur family
enjoy ur frens
enjoy ur teh bing
enjoy ur ice cubes
enjoy ur fruits
enjoy ur running shoes
enjoy ur health
enjoy ur strength
enjoy ur voice
enjoy..
aiya, ENJOY LIFE Y'ALL! hello, u only get to live once. dont waste it pls.

i still miss her abit.

ok fine, alot.

ah ma! haha i ate one of those bings again. the ones we had together that time.. u eating the outside and me eating the inside. these ones are from malacca.. the ones u bought were LOADS LOADS better. i threw the skin in the bin.

my cat duchess is really pretty (=
we grew up together
God bless her! take care of her! keep her!
i love you chess chess! :D hehe. i think i shld go sleep right about now.

2006-06-17T22:02:00.000+08:00

because of ah ma's funeral and the UK lit trip, i haven't been to church for four weeks. that is, until today.
and oh my goodness, how i've missed worshipping together with the body of christ!!
no wonder it says in Hebrews 10:25 "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the day approaching"
its just different, worshipping by urself in the toilet/shower or up on the mountains. with the body of Christ, there is strength and unity and at times, also comfort, edification and hope. (=
but ahem, that doesn't mean worshipping alone is bad. try it, its indescribable (:
i felt that today's worship was great for me not only because i was back in the house of God, with His children, in His presence or least of all because i was back in a familiar environment, it was all because He showed me where he has brought me (: and oh my, His ways, His plans are perfect.
we sang salvation is here, better than life, heart of worship, its all aBout Jesus. for worship today.
i remember singing better than life and heart of worship when we were up on the mountains in UK

better than the riches of this world
better than the sound of my frens' voices
better than the biggest dreams of my heart
thats just a start
better than getting what i say i need
better than living the life that i want to
better than the love anyone could give
your love is

i came back with alot of dreams, yes i did
and thoughts about what i think i need
and how i'm gonna miss everyone on the trip, their voices, their presence
then i realised i love God's presence more! hahahaha

when the music fades
and all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless your heart
i'll bring you more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what you have required
u search much deeper within
through the way things appear
u're looking into my heart
i'm coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about you
its all about you Jesus

when u're on a mountain in the midst of His beauty, no music, no band, no worship leader, just you and Him. (=

today i realised why God let what happened, happen. and Lord, i'm really sorry for doubting you, for questioning your ways, for asking you why you had to let her die, why you had to let us watch her go, why you had to take away such a big part of our lives and hearts. and now i see, how everything has worked out in ur perfect plan (: and i really really didn't wanna go away from home on the trip right after it happened and the day after my first birthday without her, the birthday she had already started planning for. but i'm glad you planned it that way. it was difficult being away from home and missing her and the family at the same time. and the pain was worse when the family wasn't around when the feeling of losing her came back. but then today i realised, away from home, my faith in You was strengthened (: with no where to turn, i turned to my best fren, You. with no more strength to carry on, when i wanted to give up being strong, i turned to You, and my faith grew. but u also knewi felt alone in a foreign land with no family by my side.. and you provided me with the greatest travelling buddies, avery, ally, mish, rach and char (= when i needed someone to lean on and a physical hug... (=

turn ur eyes upon Jesus
look full in his wonderful face
and all of the earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of his glory and grace

yes yes! tt's EXACTLY wat happens. haha. if i could go back in time, i would have sung that at her funeral.

today i went to church and pj said i looked refreshed. and no pj, i wasn't wearing makeup! (imagines char, ally and mish laughing at me) haha. and i realised, i was refreshed in the spirit. God is good, all the time. all the time, God is good.

dont you think life is beautiful? (:
now, dont go be stupid and end it urself. no matter how terrible times seem, God is always there and he can always turn it around (: yea! and amen.

2006-06-15T13:49:00.000+08:00

hi vanessa!i got u a present (:
hi joylynn! haha okies! :D but lemme prepare you. there are old people in my class. haha. including a mother of a 16 year old son from RI
hey iggie! i'll be seeing u in lit tml! LIT! =D
hey iamburpy/shawntay! u are weirder la ;)
haha yes, crystal. i still have it too :D
hey manda. smile! i'm proud of you! =D
hi vithya. haha. who ask you not to join track? =P
hey manman/mandre (: how u doing? long time no catch up.. got more stories? hee
mikki. it was great having you on the trip too. without you guys, it wouldn't have been so much fun or enriching (: -hugz. thank you!

alrite!
wat did i miss when i was in UK?
i missed my family and my grandma and i missed having my family around me when i missed my grandma
sad thoughts aside (:
i missed the FOOD
i missed having a VARIETY of breakfast instead of just hashbrowns,tomatoes,toast,scrambled eggs and sausages everyday at every hostel.
did i miss the HDB flats? no i dont think so
but i missed going to church and worshipping with the body of christ!
i missed fellowshipping with my siblings in Christ
i missed Global Day of Prayer! =(=(
i missed area sandwich making
but it was all worth it (:

ok
and some random things i've realised on the trip/back home or been told
i haven't seen my legs for a long time
i have improved at putting on lip balm
i'm good at packing =D
some people dont noe how to use the microwave (ahem,av..)
some people tried to preheat the oven without closing the door (ahem,ave..) (:
i'm a noob at anything remoting related to make up and curling of eye lashes
i didn't bring numerous jackets or shoes to match my clothes
i only moisturized my face coz my dad brought me moisturizer when he visited
conclusion: abby is growing up

to the gang (ally, mish, char, smith, rach, avery)
thanks for making it sucha wonderful experience. i'm missing you guys so much! waking up alone and sleeping alone is weird now. haha. no late night face to face talks.. and now its just me alone at home as i type this! there probably will never be another experience quite like this one and it may have been the one and only time we'll ever spend together but still i rejoice at the bonds we have made (: one for all and all for one! love y'all! keep in touch, see ya in school and... OUTING! (=
-hugz all around

2006-06-14T01:20:00.000+08:00

UK lit trip is over and i think most of us feel sad and happy all at the same time.
its great to be home
lit trip was brilliant beyond brilliant! in every possible way, even the lowest points of the trip (hiak hiak)are considered brilliant by me, on hindsight. aha.
adam, u were more than right (:
its sad to leave the group and come back to Singapore where CTs and mugging awaits us
but, i thank God for giving me a memory that allows me to move on whilst not forgetting the awesome times i've had in the past (:
tonight, (if i wanna)
i can tumble into bed without first balancing on the ledge of the bed or climbing up to the second/third bunk (=
tonight,
i could bathe and use the toilet in the same room (=
tonight,
i'm with my family (=

i love my frens
i love my family (=
and i truly do think we're closer now, as in, cousins, aunties and uncles (:
haha
i laugh when i think of how GOd can turn each tragedy into something good, somehow.
u just have to stop, step back and look (:
my sisters organised a treasure hunt for me when i got home. haha.
dey prepared ten clues for me to figure out and hunt for around the house
and finally,
i was led to my welcome home cum birthday present (: (:
ahhh, so sweet. haha
to think i never used to talk to them, only shout
look wat a long way we've come (:
i felt lik santa claus today, giving out the presents i had bought. haha
and sharing the donuts i had gotten from harrods
they were worth carrying all the way back! (:
esp since it was entirely amusing to walk through the customs and be stopped many a time because the security personels wanted some donuts haha
(and so did the flight attendants. hiak hiak. but NOOO, they're mine! so selfish =P)
i'm still up waiting for the pictures to come over. haha
wat we have left of the trip
i should go to bed soon
i'm becoming random
its about 7pm in UK as i type this
sleepable time?
sleep is possible for abby anytime of the day (: just ask my family and fellow lit trippers! haha

so many things to say
so many memories running through my head
so many things learnt
so many experiences
so many pieces of fabric i shld try to sew together with words
but i keep getting distracted as i enjoy the motion picture in my imagination (:
our memories are the replay buttons of our life

2006-06-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

ABBYYYYYYYYYY :) I still remember your username & password. I'm such a smart girl. Okay, that's not what I wanted to tell you.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I MISS YOU.

Ohwell, enjoy yourself in UK.

You have a date with me, after service. Ben&Jerry's coming to downtown east! :D YAY

VANESSA <3

2006-05-26T01:14:00.000+08:00

this post is dedicated to my lovely class, 3N
1/4 of our JC life together is over
and every single bit of it was enjoyable.. memorable (:
thank you for everything! everything everything.
my not being able to attend the last day of school has made me.. sentimental. haha
i wanted this post to be longer and more detailed but i think i'll just collapse at the airport later
so just sth from my heart
"God has blessed me in many ways, of course there were times of turmoil and pain, but as long as i receive a blessing like you guys once in awhile (:, come what may. i thank God for every one of you, for our frenships."
missing u guys already
take care! and have a happy holiday! :D

in His love,
abbY*

2006-05-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

hey all! (:
i'm kinda in a rush but i felt that i had to blog before i left for UK haha
to those i will miss, u noe who you are (:, take care! :D
and thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday! haha it was happy, in the end (:

take me to the secret place where i can only see ur face
and nothing else will ever feel this way
to char and trees, sorry for making u guys come and find me
thanks for caring so much (=
i just needed to..
into the secret place i will run
where my heart can be free
in the grace that i've found
run to my secret place to find my Heavenly Father who comforted me in my time of need
and he gave me strength again (:
and so did the both of you
and matt
thanks matt (: ur faith encouraged me
and adam
thanks adam, and thanks for the antihistamin! (=
and lisa and xue. (= thank you so much
YAYY!! let's live life to the fullest together! (:
den i'll attend ur funeral and u'll attend mine
no wait
tt's not possible

anyhow, it was a great day! haha.
thanks sam. for the present i found at my doorstep
haha, just like last year
thank you for the memories and the frenship
i had great fun with the present! haha
i'll eat the carrots and use the stuff u gave me (:
the "interactive" made me feel so excited and childish! :D

to those who tagged. sorry i can't reply u guys one by one
but to nicol (:
its not my blog that is strengthening or inspiring
its the God in you who is moulding you that is taking care of ur needs (:
press on!
we run a race for the Glory of the one we love (:
we will not labour in vain
all the best in studying!
feel free to call me if u need help ok? (:
-hugz

2006-05-25T01:36:00.000+08:00

i proclaim myself officially 17! (:
thank very muchie sam and charles, for making it so special (:
but so paiseh! u paid for everything for all five of us.. heh
but really, thank you one billion times.. (:
and charmaine! thanks for the sweet gift. no wonder u keep asking me wat i'm doing after sch. haha.
mama said u came over around six? haha -big hugs-

i went over to ah ma's house after school today!
i just had to i think, to make sure she's really no there anymore
sure it was sad
sure i cried like crazy
but i noe (was gonna sae i THINK but i'll sae i know, then so be it (: )it is gonna get better from here
anyway, so here's how it went
instead of calling ah ma to tell her i was going over
i messaged ming yi.. (its her house now)
so i went over.. i took the lift up to the third floor
the lift ah ma waited forever for, the lift that became operational on the day she died
i arrived at the third floor and travelled from the staircase to the door with my eyes, just because
den i walked up to the door
and i had to unlock the door by myself..
wah ah ma! the lock very difficult to unlock lehh.. how do u do it with one hand?! :S
i pushed open the door and yelled "ah ma!"
no answer
i knew it
but i pressed the door bell anyway
and i stepped in
the first thing that struck me was the empty kitchen
and the deafening silence
"AH MA! WO LAI LE!"
no answer
"AHHH MAAA!!!"
no answer
i knew she wasn't there
but my legs took me around the house looking for her anyway
"ah ma! bu yao sui le!"
"ah ma!!!!!"
no answer
the windows were closed, strange
so pushed them open, like she does, did, used to do
i opened the cupboards and sniffed at her clothes
they dont hold her smell anymore
the wallet i sealed in a plastic bag is losing her smell too
i sniffed at her pillow
there was no ah ma smell
no one asked me if i wanted to eat this this or that that
no one asked me to go and bathe
so i sat down at my usual spot at the table
and switched on the tv
no one was there to tell me about the past few episodes of the program
no one was there to comment on the characters with me
i took out the macdonalds burger i had bought
it was the first time i was buying dinner to eat at her house
why?
she wasn't there to cook any
i looked in the fringe
her stock of can drinks for us is gone
i bent down and touched the kitchen floor
it wasn't oily anymore
i went to the living room again
and let myself fall unto the cold marble floor
"ah ma! i'm lying on the floor without a pillow under me!"
no answer
the phone rang, my cousin was looking for me (i had told her i was going to ah ma house)
i picked up
"hello?"
"hello? ah ma?"
"no.."
we talked and arranged to meet later on
in her room
i found her funeral picture on the table
i'm sorry, i broke down, i'm sorry
the phone rang, my aunty was calling
i picked up
"hello?"
"ah ma?"
"no.. =( its abby"
"are u there by urself?"
"yes"
"are u scared?"
"no, but i'm lonely"
"u want me to come over?"
"ok."
"ok, i'm coming over"
hangs up
i went to bathe
i'm a loser, i dont normally bathe there but still, i have a couple of times
i finished bathing, and i didn't noe where to put the towel
she always took it from me
aunty came, den kim, wen, jiu jiu and deborah
aunty and jiu jiu asked me about my dream
so i told them
and they cried
i didn't (=
it seemed important to them
jiu jiu was abit siao haha
he came in and started talking to no one in the direction of the kitchen
he scolded me (den laughed) when i stood in a certain spot in the living room
i was in the way, standing in the middle of the route ah ma always took
den yizhang came to drive us to bishan J8 for movie
it was good to have most of the family there together
it was good

2006-05-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

yiliN! congrats on getting into NUS med! (: so happy for you girl. haha. u amaze and inspire me, juggling track, swimming and council. and still get ur As. MY GOODNESS. how on earth did you do it? and yilin goes, "i dunno? i just did" (= you rock~ thanks for being sucha great senior, one of the few i still keep in constant contact with. haha. thanks for the listening ear and the advice u've given me time and time again. hooray for our yilin, jirou and muscles! (:

i went for training yesterday! (:
sprints.
yayy
when you run
its like entering a different world
go as fast as you can for as long as you can and dare this world to intrude
i love the endorphins (:

Lord i offer my life to you
everything i've been through
use it for your glory
Lord i offer my days to you
lifting my praise to you
as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord i offer you for my life

things in the past
things yet unseen
wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
all of my hopes
all my acclaims
my joy and my pain
i'm making them yours

Lord i offer my life to you
everything i've been through
use it for your glory
Lord i offer my days to you
lifting my praise to you
as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord i offer you my life

i love you Jesus

2006-05-23T19:55:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling so mixed up
leaving this friday morning on a lit trip to UK and i'm getting the leaving-my-life-behind-on-a-stand-still kinda feeling
you noe. when you dread going and yet u feel excited at the same time? haha
when u feel torn between the fear that this life would move on without you, and the curiousity and hunger for adventure that lures you away
but i'll say it again
"funny how your life can come to an adrupt halt"
today was a holiday and i used it mostly to sit and think and read this new book dad got me
nevermind about GP common test tomorrow. i feel like i cant breathe anyway
i guess the series events that unfolded last week, and the sleep i've been getting (not that i sleep real little. its more that i sleep half-awake, sort of in an alert mode if you get wat i mean), have slowed me down and i'm still trying to drag myself up. get moving abby!
i dont drink coffee (dont like it), i dont take caffeine
but i feel there's an accelerator and brake in me that someone is stepping on at the same time
resulting in a very painful and slow gain of insignificant distance with every step i take, if i take a step.
so there you go, the conflict of emotions and possible thoughts
i feel like my travel plans will cause life to move ahead of me and yet i noe i'm still trying to catch up with life now.
huh?
bad. abby u gotta pull urself together and think more logically to pass GP tml. for tml, GO AWAY LIT!
then there's the feeling of being stuck in the middle of nowhere
one foot in of RJ cell and one foot in my ministry
and then u have ministry as a subset where i've got one foot in the leadership with the AO team and another foot in this place called arealeadership+megalifeseczone
are u confused yet?
good, join me (:
RJ is a great cell! honestly (: we've got terrific people
but i still feel kinda weird. therefore, i shall make an extra effort to get to noe my fellow cell members better
den there's the other foot to deal with
random thoughts. go away

ah ma
today jiu jiu called your house, forgetting that u'll never answer the phone
and mama cried, she misses you so much
zhen me ban?
its such a weird time to go overseas
i noe it'll be a strain on mummy
i shld stay and take care of her shldn't i?
but how can i?
but ah ma, we all noe and agree that u're in paradise where u can run and jump without ur heart problem, cataract, high blood pressure, leg problem etc etc. and u can eat all u want. and we're happy for you, we really are
its just our selfish side missing you so bad

LORD! save me
when everything starts crashing down
and all i noe fall to the ground
when darkness comes and i can't see
u're always there to rescue me
when all my strength has turned to fear
and i wonder if u're near
when i'm trying to break free
u're always there to rescue me
and i wonder if i'll make it through this darkness night
i need to know your strength in my gonna win this fight
Lord, wont u take my hand, show me to the light
i need you by my side
Father, serving you isn't easy
but its okay (:
i dont mind it this way, as long as u're with me i've got ur joy! (:
i've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart!
no challenge no kick
it sure is tough Lord, really
but i noe i'll grow
i noe i'm going through ur refining fire
purify this child of urs!
draw me closer to you! closer to you!
i need u now more than i can explain
i've found ur love and i'll never be the same!
i've given my life to you
Your will be done

Homesick - MercyMe
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

2006-05-21T22:06:00.000+08:00

i like riding in a double decker bus
front row seat of the upper deck (:
it kinda gives you a sense of power
like you can run over anyone below you
muahahaha
i watch the road and a motocycle infront of me would disappear from sight
oh no! it got run over!
den it reappears, unscath. haha
one day i'm going to jump on the first double decker i see and take a trip around the island
den i'll hop unto the next double decker bus that comes my way and go for another round
sit, stare, think, daydream.
its healthy (:
:: sonador ::

there's one more angel in heaven
there's one more star in the sky
ah ma, the things that you stood for
like love and sacrifice, will never die

2006-05-21T11:00:00.000+08:00

i had a dream last night
we were all gathered and we were talking happily
den she said she had to leave at two
it was eleven
suddenly the dream changed
i was running
running aimlessly, trying to find something that wasn't there anymore
i panicked but couldn't run any faster
den there was another change
i met her at the void deck of some HDB
i was calm now
i took her hand
she said she had to go at two
it was almost time
i asked her not to go
she said she had to
i asked her if i couldn't get used to life without her, could i please get her to come back?
she said i could, if i wanted to drag her away from joy and comfort
den i woke up

no, ah ma. i dont want to do that
i'll manage by myself
u'll see (:
dont worry
have a blast up there (:
i love you

2006-05-20T22:18:00.000+08:00

the funeral is over
the cremation? it was gentle, almost serene (:
a great improvement from the past where they'll shove the coffin into the furnace and onlookers can see the cruel fire grabbling at the wood
no, this time it was slow and gentle
plus no one was heard wailing
we sang praises go God on the bus after that (:
and dinner? they had good chicken to make up for the rest. (:

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.
~ "held" by Natalie Grant

i still cant quite seem to grasp the fact that she's gone..
anyone but her please
but i shan't whine
if i do, i'm sorry
just a teeny bit more time, i promise i'll get over it

-shakes self-
alrite! random stuff (:
tan tock seng's kopitiam has really good ban mian.
i had 4 bowls of ban mian, 1 packet of chicken rice, 1 yong tau foo, 2 strawberry rolls, 2 red bean pancakes, 2 cheese pancakes, 3 cups of bandung, 1 cup of milo, 1 cup of lychee juice, countless sweets and snacks whilst i was there.
i learnt how to lower the safety bars on a hospital bed
they should rent out beds, the chairs are really hard and uncomfortable
level three of tan tock seng is freezing cold
level eight of tan tock seng is hot
diamond room of Singapore casket must have a really high aircon bill

quotes of the day:
abby: i'm really tired..
kim: me too. and the only thing good for sleeping on in this room is the coffin. i'm really tempted

abby: where's mama and papa?
uncle.gerald: whose? mine?
abby: NO!! MINE! haha

abby: at least the cremation is more serene now. last time they just shove the whole coffin in
wen: YA! like pizza liddat.
family: !!!! hahaha

to anyone out there who has just lost a loved one..
do take care of urself. i noe the pain won't heal over just a few days but meanwhile cry if you have to, write if you have to, noe that u're not alone. and most imptly, stay strong.

alrite. i think i shall retire to bed. it has been one long week. i need to rest my poofy eyes. (=
g'nite all
do not worry about tml, tml will worry about itself, each day has enough troubles of its own
so goodbye today, welcome tomorrow
what have you got for me?

2006-05-20T01:06:00.000+08:00

Lord, thank you for each day (:
everyday truly is a gift, no wonder its called the present (:
and today Father, i want to thank you again for the friends u've placed in my life
blessed them Father, for they have blessed me
keep them Father, safe from harm, safe in your arms
love them Father, for they have given me love
and i feel like i can burst with all the love that's around me and in me (: (:
to keep myself from overusing the word 'thanks', i'll say
let me express my gratitude to the following people (: u light up my life, u helped me through it all, u show me how real God's love is, u were there for me

thank you for coming today..
xuan. girl, pictures are supposed to speak a thousand words, but i dont know how to draw a 'thank you'. for spending the entire afternoon with me, i can only say, i treasure our frenship.

vanessa. u came though you had alot of work. dont ever say u're not there for me, u've been there for me whenever i needed it can i know i can depend on you for anything. tho we come frm different walks of life.. i'm glad God brought us here together

drea. another sister in christ so very dear to me. do always remember, i'll forever be ur fren, ur fren first, ur leader (for this season) second.

jean. u're a role model to me, teaching, guiding, listening, helping, leading.. Samuel is a very lucky man.

joachim. u always kena bullied by us yet u still love us. haha yayy. u're an inspiring leader with a servant heart.. i'm learning so much from you!

nick. haha son, i got to see u in ur uniform! from newfound fren to son and close fren, u've been a huge blessing to me.

aaron. i still remember the promise, but we haven't used that for a long time. u'll always be a bro, and u're sister is always here yea? hee

sam.yuan. remember the tuesday letter thing? i haven't even passed it to you yet. haha. ur jokes today.. so warm, so dahuli.

charles. no, u didn't seem like you didn't care, u're my bbc, practically part of the family. ur presence was all i needed.

caroline. to God be the glory, great things he has done! haha. learning lots from you too sister! serve together in victory! may that smile never leave ur face. haha

crystal. yummy chocolates! hee. u, my mentor, has a spy! God must really have spent extra time on you. u rock!

thank you for being there for me, one way or another.. :')

jan. the years have been tough but i'll never never regret the day we met and became frens, nor will i ever regret going through those tough times that only strengthen our frenship. never

shuching. no worries bout not being able to come down girl.. i know ur heart..

shawn. hey di, dont have to apologise bout not coming down. do you noe how proud i am of you for how far u've come? well, i am and always will be

weiming. u're a Man of God! and u noe what? tt's comfort enough. i admire you.

weishi. was pleasantly surprised at ur message! and it made my day. lets all spread the love! haha

johannes. little brother. from a quiet boy afraid to ask for a chance to play the guitar for worship, u've not only become a leader but also a source of strength..

sophia. we never talked much in our sec3/4 class, yet u took time to message me.. i didn't even noe you knew.. i'm really touched.. jiayou in ur spiritual walk! yay!

xueling. i love you too xue. tho we've only known each other for awhile.. u're a gem from God

replying tags.. hehe =D
zhengxin. haha. thank you (: and take this from me, many many have been blessed by ur ministry, and i'm one of them. we serve an awesome God! yea!

vanessa. because He lives, i can face tomorrow (:

nick. and i have a really great (son) (:

alisa. hey, no problem, anytime (: u've got talent girl! and its great u're using it for God (: -two thumbs up- behind u all the way!

i got to touch ah ma again just now
on the cheek
she's really hard, like plastic
so girls see, whats the point of dieting?! haha. all the fats turn hard in the end (:

even now i'm not really sure if ah ma passing away is a dream.. or if i dreamt up all the memories i have of it. haha. strange.

Lord give me strength to face tomorrow.. to face the cremation.. to face the final goodbye. i need You, no one else will do.

i bought a wallet from Thailand for ah ma last year when i went there for my mission trip, my first time overseas without my family! (: and she used it! she did she did! haha. i remember seeing her using it once, not sure for how long tho. haha. now it has her smell on it.. i wanted to put it in the coffin with her.. but once i smelt it.. i changed my mind. i'm gonna seal it in a plastic bag. tt's my ah ma smell. the smell of love, home, family, safety and comfort.

one thing the pastor said today that really struck me:
"every life tells a story. and i believe that her's was a love story"
yes, it was a love story, it was a delightful, magical love story that we'll continue.
yes jean, i will continue her legacy

what was ah ma like?
she was the bubbliest lady on earth
she was strong and pulled through all kinds of adversities
she loved to eat, laugh, talk and yes, nag!
like all grandmas do
she loved us by putting us first, before herself
she had the heart of a servant
she was determined to pass on nuggets of wisdom
the greatest hope fo her grandchildren?
that we'll not get cheated by guys and that we'll do well in life (:

while singing during the service, i remember her singing to me one day.. and it brought tears to my already very small eyes. haha. we were alone at her house one day, i cant remember why. and she was telling me about her church and the activities she had. she showed me her church bulletin and song lyrics. her voice was ringing with contentment and joy. so i asked her to sing me the songs.. and she did.. and i sat there on the floor listening to the voice of my aged grandmother, praising the same King of Kings and Lord of Lords i love. an enchantment..

the five of us grandchildren went up in front of sing "Blessed Assurance" for ah ma during the service today. it was quite a flop. sorry ah ma.. we couldn't quite get through the song.. maybe we shld have chosen one that we didn't sing to her on her deathbed. haha, lesson learnt.

hey drea, y'noe what?
while we were waiting for ah ma to leave with Jesus, we had praise and worship around her bed..kinda assuring her we'll be alrite and that she could let go and let Jesus take her hand and lead her home.. and i sang the song you wrote for her.. it was so appropriate, it was angelic. hope u dont mind. its a lovely song (:

wow i've missed alot of trainings and lessons! haha
tomorrow is coming
hold fast to those memories
dont let them go up in smoke

have fun during the weekend all! and to my schmates, see you guys in sch! yayy!

2006-05-19T09:05:00.000+08:00

For my Lord Jesus Christ who know holds my grandma safe in His loving arms

You changed my world
When You came to me
You drove a passion
In my soul down deep
Lord, to follow You in everything

I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie
And I don't want to walk that road
Be a million miles from home
'Cause my heart needs to be where You are
So I don't want to go

So come whatever
I'll stick with You
I'll walk, You'll lead me
Call me crazy or a fool
For forever I promise you that...

repeat chorus

Without Your touch
Without Your love
Filling me like an ocean
For Your grace is enough
Enough for me
To never want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there

repeat chorus

and i mean every word in it.

2006-05-19T00:17:00.000+08:00

ah ma! do u noe how beautiful u are?
not just because the coffin is nice (yayy)
or because ur shirt is pretty and matches the coffin with white sheets and golden linings
but because u're, you (:
dont worry about us k?
we'll take care of each other
i'll take care of mummy
i'll take care of kimie and wen
and i know this is like ur greatest worry.. but i promise
i won't let guys cheat me, really, i promise (=
and i'll watch out for sarah and deborah too
i'll continue to eat my fruits and i'll teach kimie and wen to eat them too
i wont make mummy angry, esp when she's driving
i'll be careful when i drink my milo with my spoon still in it so i wont poke my eye
i wont eat my fishballs whole
i'll eat minimal amounts of milo powder by itself
(ah ma used to say that if i eat too much milo powder my legs will drop off)
i wont walk on the oily kitchen floor barefooted
i'll cover my stomach when i sleep too (:
ah ma! i like my wobbly cheeks coz they're just like yours (:
ah ma, u're so strong, i wanna be just like you
to love and serve without complaining
to even love those who treat me unfairly

u noe i'm full of songs, i know you think tt's funny
so here's a song for you (:
I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do
~ "I do (cherish you) by 98 degrees

i think i kinda lost control at the end of today's memorial service
of course it hurts and i'm gonna miss her so bad
but like they say, better to love than never at all (:
and quoting from John Keating from the movie Dead Poet's Society,
"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion.And medicine, law, business, engineering - these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love - these are what we stay alive for."
-abby nods and agrees-
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

(: i thank God there's such a thing as family (:
and i thank God for giving me such GREAT friends
like really, u guys are awesome
actually i didn't expect anyone to come down.. but
u guys just rock my world la (=
so thank you for being here for me (:
thank you..
janice (u nv cease to amaze me (: )
andrea (u give "actions speak louder than words" meaning)
melanie (u've got a beautiful smile (: )
dew (u bring joy (: )
glenn (M**** is lucky)
sam.lim (wat can i sae of my oldest fren? (: )
xuanyi (i guess thats what frens are for (: )
natalie.yeo (no wonder u were given sugar for ur birthday (: )
joy.lau (u've touched this life (: )
charmaine (it was really sweet, the card u n shiwei gave me (: )
shiwei (i admire who God has made you to be (: )
randolf (u've taught me more than you think (: )
sherron (ur wise words have brought more than comfort (: )
isaac (what can i say? u look pretty in pink, nice legs (: )
ern (urn, u surprised me and made me glad, but i am not abbey (: )
zhengxin (u bring energy, laughter and God everywhere you go (: )
really, honestly, from the bottom of my heart
can't tell you how grateful i am
for the jokes, laughing, updates, gossips, photos
thank you (=

trees, i saw your blog post. thanks girl (: haha. we'll both grow in the Lord together. its gonna some journey! (: i thank God for you!i can't wait to see you either. haha. not too sure about the work pile tho. haha

iggie, thank you, that was really encouraging. i remember ur blog post, "If there's the tiniest shard of good news buried in my angst-ridden soul i assure you there's some way I can be happy about it." i will keep smiling, i will (=

matt, take care of ur injury hokay! (: haha dont worry, i've got my family, i've got you guys and i've got Jesus. what more can i ask for?

vanessa, u noe i will (: and i'll be seeing you tomorrow! haha. i love you too, person-who-taught-me-how-to-hug (: where would i be without you?

boon's grandma looks tasty chicken rice. abby's grandma cooks tasty chicken curry. they're gonna have a chicken party in heaven (: and if chickens have souls, there must be alot of chickens in heaven now! what with all the cullings and all. haha. but then boon says they'll have to die a second time! poor thing..
ahaha. random.

what a fren we have in Jesus
all our sins and griefs to bear
what a privilege to carry
everything to GOd in prayer
O what peace we often forfeit
O what needless pain we bear
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer

have we trials and temptations?
is there trouble anywhere?
we should never be discouraged
take it to the Lord in prayer.
can we find a fren so faithful?
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness
take it to the Lord in prayer

are we weak and heavey laden?
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge
take it to the Lord in prayer
do they frens despise, forsake there?
take it to the Lord in prayer
in his arms he'll take and shield thee
thou wilt find a solace there

a song that i know understand better (:

pj: how are u?
abby: i am growing, thus, i am doing great

|| problems shrink beside my big God ||
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me
~"someone's watching over me by hilary duff"

goodnite world, u still look splendid in my eyes

2006-05-18T12:04:00.000+08:00

i guess thats it
she's gone
but not forever
abby, u'll see her again, u will (:
and when you do
you'll see the ah ma that was trapped in her defeated body(:
wouldn't that be a beautiful sight?

wow ah ma
u leaving sure hurts
u're body is so cold now
and yellow..
but dont worry
we told them to make you look natural and pretty (:
haha, i think they quivered at our severe tone
and u're gonna be dressed in ur favourite pretty pink shirt!
it was so cool u noe
ming yi chose it and brought it from ur house
sarah jiejie chose the same shirt without looking at what ming yi brought
and so did i (:
and so did deborah, kimie and wen.
see ah ma,
we all know you so well. haha
and we all love you so much
when the huge ZERO appeared on the computer monitor
and the straight lines of a linear graph followed suit
we knew you were gone
it felt like someone had poured acid over my heart and ripped it out
yet at the same time i could almost hear and see you returning home
(: i could almost see the heavenly gates flung open and all ur lost loved ones greeting you! (:
ah ma, remember when you told me u missed your mother?
i guess u dont anymore (: now its my mummy's turn to miss her mother
and one day it'll be my turn to learn to let her go to the Lord
and to see you again
u left at about 930pm
ah ma ni hao wei da!
u waited for jiejie to finish work at 9pm
ah ma u uber cool! (:
once jiejie said hi, u knew she was there didn't you? (:
and ur heart rate dropped from 100+ to 30+
at 4/5pm in the afternoon when we were all gathered, thinking u were going
we all saw a brilliant bright flash of light!
ah ma i'm convinced that was ur angel coming to get you (:
coz only nonchristian popo didn't see the flash tho she was there
haha, and at first we all thought it was a camera flash coming from above
it was so sudden and so fast we all jumped and stopped all we were doing at the same time
mummy even asked yi zhang if it was him who had taken the picture. haha
but of course, in NICU, no photography is allowed
so is ur angel pretty ah ma?
or is it cute just like you? hehe
u waited for jie to come before you let them take you to heaven
ah ma u so pro!
i can hear u laughing at me now. haha
just as I could hear u laughing at jiu jiu when he lost to us in the CE
COFFIN ELECTION
I saw that coffin, and it jumped out at me once I stepped into the room
I knew u'll like it
And those who didn't agree were mostly convinced after that
And like mummy says, ah ma will always go with the children's vote
What we choose, u'll like
But I know u'll like this coffin (: I do
It's gonna match ur pretty pink shirt!
And we got you pink carnations too
It's the most unique coffin in the entire showroom
U're gonna be so beautiful
As usual (:
i felt most peaceful and joyful after that
i knew you were happy! i could see you smiling and laughing again with ur relatives in heaven
have fun cooking and talking and EATING all u want ah ma!
i love you

thank you sam.lim, for changing ur piano time to come eat lunch with me (= talking about school, church and various PEOPLE sure helped take my mind off things. thanks

thank you sherron, for all ur comforting words of advice, and ur listening ear. i'm sure things are worse for you but with our Lord's strength, we'll manage (:

thank you joachim, for being kind, sensitive and understanding. and for knowing how to best help me. even though u kenaed laughed at by my family (:

thank you jeanette, for being a strength and support. i do appreciate all u've said and done, and for sharing ur experience with me (:

thank you marc, for being there and supporting me. that phone call gave me courage and served as a reminder that i wasn't alone. our grandmas will have fun together there (:

thank you charmaine, for always being there, ready to take care of me. haha. tho it may not seem so, u are motherly hokay! (: hugz~

thank you terese, u were like my somewhat silent support the past week, right from the start when my grandma had her stroke. -big smile. tree of support!

thank you matthias, for asking me to stay strong, and for those verses that reminded me to lean on God and not myself. (:

thank you joash, wow, that verse gave me such assurance! thank you so much, i see ur heart, it was just ur care that helped ease it all (:

thank you boonshing, for just checking up on me and talking to me through it all as it happened. ur grandma's in a better place too, enjoying cooking and talking (=

thank you glenn, for ur care and concern, u're a comfort source ya'noe? (:

thank you jan, for being there as a friend (: that was really important to me

thank you nick, u're just a great son, haha (:

thank you faith, for ur prompt message, i love you too, i do. u gave me faith (:

thank you chen.yihui, for saying i could always turn to you, that mattered, it did (:

thank you caroline, i still have ur silly photo in my fone and it cheers me up (:

thank you vanessa*babbyyy, u're all a fren could possibly ask for

thank you crystal, u're a great mentor! (:

thank you charles, those were wise words, i'll take them (:

thank you shaun, for helping me out with stuff during this period (:

thank you randolf, i remember what u said, thanks for sharing that verse (:

thank you sam.yuan, i know u'll be there (: and thats all i needed

thank you ally, i know u've been through this before, and what u said meant it all (:

thank you charlene, ever practical ever ready to listen, cant wait to see you (:

thank you aaron, for just being a bro, u didn't have to say anything (:

thank you gloria, u're really sweet ya'noe? (: i appreciate it lots..

thank you drea, for mobilising RG cell, for being sucha great fren and support <3 (:

thank you chucky, for showing ur concern -aisha wave- brought a smile to my face (:

thank you dheesh, short, sweet and simple, yet it touched the heart (:

thank you xue, lisa and joanne, for praying and sending me those messages that pulled me through (:

thank you to all those who asked me to stay strong, ally, matt, marc, sherron and some others i cant remember specifically (sorry). when she went, i could hear u guys in my head saying "stay strong k! (:" and because of ya'll, i could, and so i did. it stopped me from crumbling to my knees against the wall. it made me brave enough to stand up and yes, be strong, for my family.

ah ma, u'll be in my heart

Lord, my heart trusts in you, my heart trusts in you, its no wonder that i sing ur praise (: we enjoyed worshipping and praising you practically the whole day by her bedside. thank you for the extra time we had with her. thank you for fitting it all so well.. like what yiyi said, she waited for my cousin to finish work, she went home on wed so the funeral can be on sat and we can go to church after that to worship and praise ur Holy name before going back to school/work on monday. its all so sad yet all so perfect. and i believe we saw the back of an angel! (: thank you. i know u'll take care of her for us (: i believe in what you said in ur word, that she now has a new body, i believe, i KNOW she's happy in ur presence. how cool is that? (:

ah ma IS a Christian, and therefore, she HAS eternal life.
i dont have to use past tense (:

2006-05-17T00:42:00.000+08:00

my eyes hurt
but not as much as my heart
shes going slowly
shell be liberated (:
when she's in heaven, I can see her running again. (:
she used to be a runner you know! (:
Im glad I joined track again this year
After much deliberation. Hehe
I run for God
And now I also run for her
For her memory

Now her house will be still and empty
Except of course when my aunty comes home from work
But still.
There wont be the smell and sound of cooking
There wont be homemade dishes always ready at the table
My mum says she'll take ah ma’s place as the one who cooks (:
My uncle was real sad today, and real tired
He didn't sleep at all last night
He mostly sat and stared at his mother
Praying for her
And probably reliving the times he spent with her
I found him outside for a moment
Red-eyed and silent
So I sat beside him
"are you ok?"
-nods
silence
"are u very sad?"
-nods
silence
tears
"We'll still eat together every Friday right?"
and he answers, "lets make it a family tradititon"
and I say, "just the way ah ma likes it"
she likes it when we gather together (:
tho we mostly sit and eat and talk and watch tv
just those few simple things.
She likes to see us together
She values family
I do too
When my aunty, daddy and mummy came to join us
I announced to them our decision
And it was very well received
Suggestions were already pouring in (:
then i went to announce it to ah ma and those who were with her
We all know that'll be what ah ma wants
And somehow
Talking about the future without her
And how we'd remember her
Helped to ease the pain, the agony, the emptiness.

But what would happen to the times when the five of us would stay over at her house?
When we'll wake up early to watch sailormoon and eat the roti prata she would've already gotten from the market
And the games we played.. the things we imagined when her living room was our stage

Ah ma likes to talk a lot. Hehe. Like me!
She has friends under the HDB, in the market, and even outside our kindergartens when she used to fetch us
I remember waiting for uber long lengths of time after school for her to finish her conversation with her new found friend (:
And the pastor mentioned yesterday that ah ma is always cheery and cheerful in church
Didn't I tell you she's a joy? (:

Thank you, sam, mel, uncle kin and aunty pat for coming to give us support last night. Haha, and the talk..
Not going to school
Doing chem together
Politics
Tho I was too tired, too drain, too emotionally stretched to follow what uncle kin said, nor to counter his arguments as I would’ve loved to, as I always do (=

Thank you, Sherron and Joachim, for coming down today
Sherron, u were right about preparing to let her go to our Lord.
Joachim, u were right about having frens arnd in the hospital when things do get rather depressing.
And for that period of time
I somehow became more rational talking to you guys
It gave me more strength
To know that I’m not facing this alone
That I can continue to stand
For my grandma
For my family

Thank you, Lord
For being my comfort, my shelter and my strength
I know she'll be happy where you are
When she's there, do give her a nice crown
And black hair please, she was due for another dye job
Maybe throw in a pair of strong legs too
So she can run again
Oh and do provide her with a kitchen
I'm sure she can cook up a storm for ur evening meal
Please don't forget that she likes to eat
Buffets are her favourite
And when u prepare the buffets
Just serve the ‘expensive/difficult to find anywhere else stuff’
She wont waste time/money(NA)/space on the cheaper/less special stuff
Jesus, she hasn’t been sleeping as well as she deserves to
She says that when u’re old you kinda get insomia?
That’s why she watches tv till quite late
But her body clock gets her up in the wee hours of the morning
Then she may or may not take a nap
Would u please be so kind as to provide her with a comfy bed?
And allow her sleep, rest, peace
Oh, she always sleeps on her side
But she still snores
So maybe give her a room of her own please?
Do remember to give her a new set of top teeth
I don't think she can bring her dentures with her
I hope I'm not asking for too much
But if it pleases you, she needs new eyes too
Or just new cataracts will do
I'm not sure how healthy is measured where you are
But she sure does like to do her exercises every morning
Do you have a pretty garden u could show her?
I'm sure she'll like that
And a whole bunch of friends too please
She's very sociable
If all these are not possible
Just let her know everyday that we love her and remember her
And we’ll all be waiting for the day we can see her smile and hear her laugh again
Thanks you Lord

2006-05-16T08:03:00.000+08:00

i'm at home now. i shld be in school. but i cant go to school. i like school. but not today. today is different. today, is the day, i come to terms with what life has just thrown in my face.
i'm gonna visit her later.
i should have visited her after training on saturday.. but no, i wanted to go home to prepare for church with my sister. tell me i'm a selfish brat. i only conversed with her for a few minutes on friday.. and on sunday.. i went right home after PW meeting to chiong last min homework. how could that have been more important than my grandma? but it wasn't, it really wasn't. we thought she was getting better. she was laughing and talking and being the CUTE (: grandma we know and we love. roly poly grandma who's now shorter than me. then the waave just came crashing down.. and swept all of it away.

i love my grandma (=
when i was young, she used to constantly caution us about sharp objects, afraid we'll cut ourselves or "ba jiu cei meh!" (= i remember there was once she told me not to play with a stapler, so i took a red pen and coloured a dark red line across my finger, knowing her eyesight ain't that good. then i went to the kitchen..
young abby: "AH MA! ni kan!"
ah ma: "AIYOH, ni kan la! jiao ni bu yao wan le. si liao! tong bu tong? lai, qu xi"
young abby: "HAHAHAHA. ah ma! pian ni de! shi wo yong hong bi hua de!"
ah ma: -laughs in her adorably cute way. she kinda chuckles (=

up till a few years ago, i'll still always ask her to tell me her famous "lao po po gu shi" before i sleep. she always falls asleep in the middle of the stories. but i dont mind (:

my grandma loves it when i sing,
"jin jia hou lai xin ya sou jin jia hou. HOU AH HOU AH HOU!" (=

in primary four, i was nervous for my streaming exam..
ah ma: "bu yao pa, ni yi ding ke yi de"

in primary six, before and after PSLE, i was worried..
ah ma: "cheh! yi jin guo qu le, bu yao pa. kao de hao, kao bu hao, xian zai bu yao guan. lai, chi, chi"

while i was taking part in both track and swimming in pri six, i'd go to her house to rest in between track in the morning and swimming in the afternoon
ah ma: "chi duo yi dian chai you li qi pao" "hao qu siu, qu siu"

when i got into RGS, i know she went and told all her friends. haha. den in front of me she'll pretend she didn't say anything.
in sec three, i went to her acupuncture doctor for treatment coz of my leg injuries. on my first visit..
doctor: "eh ur grandma always talks alot about you. u're in track right? no wonder got injuries here. u're studying in RGS now right? mm ya ur ah ma told me."
it was quite amusing to be told my life story but a doctor piercing my legs full of needles before running electricity through me (:

my elder cousin is shorter than me and ah ma always says
"yao yun dong chai hui zhang gao. ni kan abby" haha

when i have a cough or cold, i always know what'd she'll say
"yao chi pi ba gao ma? lai wo qu na"
"yao siu xi, he sui duo duo, chai hui hao, zhi dao ma?"
"bu ke yi chi longan, orange. ze xie dou 'zhe qi (heaty)' de"
"lai, he chinchow/ju hua chai3. shi liang de"

now that she's shorter dan me, whenever i leave her house and she stands by the door, i'll pat her lightly on the head. (she doesn't find it disrespectful) and she'll laugh her tinkling laugh. her face will crinkle up into a warm smile and her eyes will laugh along with her. i wont ever forget that face ah ma.

in a restaurant, at the dinner table for her birthday a few years ago, i was cracking jokes in english. everyone was laughing, including her. i stood up and looked at her, "ah ma! ni dong wo zai jiang shen me ma?!"
and that only set her off even more. and she'll laugh her hearty laugh with her BIG stomach rising up and down with her (=

this year it has almost become a habit for me to go to her house after school to wait for my mother. i never eat much before i go for i know she'll have lots waiting for me (= i like that. hehe. this year, i consumed an entire box of egg rolls for her after chinese new year. the doctor said she was too fat for her legs anyway (: one day, she gave me some strange dao sa bing. sth liddat, but its not dao sa inside. its some sweet gooey stuff and I LIKE. but the outer part of the biscuit was dry and there was just too much of it, i didn't like it. but SHE DID! she didn't like the inside. haha. so we sat there together (ok, i was lying down), me striping the skin off the sweet insides. she'll eat the outside, and i'll eat the inside. thats how my mum found us that day. .
i felt ill in school one tuesday this year. so i got a blue slip and stumbled to her house (i'm glad RJ is near her house, unlike RG (: )she took care of me, again. i felt so young. hehehe. she really took care of me. she did.. though i'm so big now. haha. she took care of me like i was a baby. then i slept like a log.

my grandma watches quite a bit of tv. because i dont follow the shows she watches, she'll tell me the story and we'll both at angry at the bad guy together. (=

ah ma likes to tell me to be careful of guys. she says they really know how to cheat you. she's quite convicted of that. haha. she'll get quite animated when she starts on her topic and yes, i fuel it with stories/experiences of my own (= she'll tell me stories of bad guys and i'll tell her some too (mine are of course significantly fewer and some of hers come from television programs. haha) then we'll come to the same conclusion every time, guys are bad.

my family gatherings are usually at her house. but whether they are or not, she always cooks. in fact, she cooks for us every friday (this year we took to eating there once every week. yayy) she cooks wonderful stuff! she always says that she has to use her brain everyday to think of what to cook and how to cook and tt's why she's still quite sharp (: she says everyone has to use their brains everyday to not slow down etc etc. she's very proud of thinking everyday (: and exercising everyday. haha. she doesn't have any cookbooks. every scrumptious meal she cooks, she goes by feel (: we always say she should set up a restaurant coz her food is so good and some dishes are quite unique. i'm positive she just dumps stuff together and they magically turn out like a dish from heaven, for royalty.

ah ma has big arms. she says it comes from carry groceries everyday. she calls it, "wo hen you li qi!" haha. so cute right.

when i was injured (ok thats a couple of times so i dont remember exactly which injury it was), i was wearing a knee guard. she was wearing two. haha.

ah ma keeps my favourite blanket in her house. i've liked that blanket for as long as i can remember. and everytime i sleep there, she takes it out for ME. haha. even if my cousins or sisters want it she'll give it to me coz its my favourite blankie! (=

for a few years now her hands wobble. haha. and we always laugh when she extends her arm to pass me a plate. wobble wobble shake shake. haha. we'll laugh den i'll grab it.

a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
- who am i, by casting crowns

there's a place in my heart that i keep for someone special
memories forevery true to me
take me through those tougher days
suddenly i found in you
all the joy the smiles and laughter
all the love and hope, divine
always you, you, on my mind
- uniquely you
i dedicate this song to my grandma.

let me just say,
ah ma loveS me
i love ah ma
ah ma IS so cute
ah ma IS always cheerful
she loveS it when we go over and spend time with her
she HAS a lovely laugh
her smile IS one of the most beautiful things i've seen
ah ma HAS touched my life in so many ways
ah ma IS Godsent

i promise tomorrow, tomorrow, i'll use past tense.

2006-05-15T19:28:00.000+08:00

when a fren said that his greatest fear is losing a loved one, i didn't think much about it. little did i know i'll be confronted with it just two weeks later. funny isn't it.. how ur life can come to an adrupt halt.

2006-04-30T01:34:00.000+08:00

let there be life
and there was life, in abby's blog (=

i'm here blogging to prove to trees that my blog is A for alive!
and also because i'm so happy i cant sleep. why? coz.. adeline and dorcas! i'm so happy and proud of you. (: for taking ownership of ur cell, for growing in faith and maturing in Christ. for loving and caring of ur cell members. tt's wat cell is about! haha. and for stepping out and up in faith. hooray for you! (=

i tot area gathering was great today! haha. it will only get better! lol. my first time preaching (PJ chided, "NOT speaking, NOT talking, u're gonna preech". alrite alrite), it wasn't as scary as i tot it would be in the end. and all i can sae is, NS area! i'm really growing to love you more and more. haha. and i'm glad to see central being more central again! the fun loving, bonded central, all the central cells, central 1, central 2 and central 3! rgs, hooray to you too (= times have been tough but u guys didn't give up. u're pulling through, u will. and there's great things in store for you! haha. cedar! small but steady and sturdy cell (= well done Suting and Eugenia for games today! haha. mnms are supposed to melt in ur mouth and not ur hands. ah well (= hooray for Glenn doing the screen stuff (MY PPT!) and shaun doing the sound. and of course chee yann and gabriel who helped out! :D den there's the awesome worship team! WOOHOO. love u area band! haha. ming, take care of ur head. the music was great, and u guys really ushered in God's presence. let's make NS area an area that worships and praises God wholeheartedly! be undignified for Christ! (= and thanks to PJ and Jo and Yihui for coming down to support me. really meant lots. hooray for AO team! hooray for Jesus Christ my God, my Savior, my King, my Father, my Brother, my Best friend, my lover, my strength, my All in All (=

and hey jan and drea, if u guys read this, i'm just wanna sae i'm glad we're frens and i really treasure our frenships (: tho we've been through some really rough and rocky patches, look where we are now! hahaha. makes me smile, makes me laugh. love u guys loads. tho we're no longer in the same cca and our combis are so different, just those few moments we still spend together mean alot. and i look back at the horrid times we had, and i can still smile (= coz we all grew, we all learnt and we all came out stronger in the end. thanks for being my fren.

hey vanessa*babbyy (= tho we dont talk much anymore, i'm really glad u came into my life. haha. believe it or not, u taught me how to hug. yes. i was pathetic, i know. haha. u taught me alot more than just that (: and u'll always be one of my closest frens, a precious gem to me. i have one of ur many cards in my wallet hokay :D always will remember the yellow meals, sleep overs, outings and prank calls. hahahaha. china brides.

sam.shifu really sorry for being so busy. even if we did change, the past wont change. haha all the stupid crapping and the 16 carrots and 16 types of candy u gave me for my birthday. hahaha. and the gross army packet food. ewww. i nv did eat it. yuck. and i still have the video u made for me. hahahaha. oh and the rgs one u made for my track team too (= and yes, about yuna, "samuel, she's not real.." (= hai, my reaction is too predictable. haha. dont worry, ur yuna will come soon. haha. as long as she's not angry with me for going to ur ocs ball instead of her i'm fine. hooray~ (:

sherron! mangosteen, smile (= "let me be found faithful, tested, tried and true" take care of ur bunnies! thanks for all u've done for me, i've really grown under ur leadership and i wouldn't be where i am now without u teaching me. yayyee. dont eat too much kfc hokay. and dont worry, our lives are in His hands yes? YES. duhh~

okies i shall stop here for today. but thankew, to all those who have made an impact/difference in my life. u noe who u are (:

i dedicate this song to all girls
ZOEgirl - Plain
It made you feel plain,
when he forgot your name,
Let me tell you something,
I have felt the same.
I know you're in pain,
but there'll be another boy along the way,
God, He made you beautiful and,
There's nothing about you that's plain.

You are a jewel, you are a treasure,
You are one of a kind,
And you shine just as bright as,
The stars in the sky,
You're a rare kind of wonder,
Created just right.
So keep your head up no matter the pain,
There's nothing about you that's plain.

You tell me you're not the type,
The kind of girl that they like,
And you're a little insecure,
About how you look in their eyes,
Well fashion will change,
And trends come and go everyday,
But God only made one of you and,
There's nothing about you that's plain.

You are a jewel, you are a treasure,
You are one of a kind,
And you shine just as bright as,
The stars in the sky,
You're a rare kind of wonder,
Created just right.
So keep your head up no matter the pain,
There's nothing about you that's plain.

See your mind is precious,
Though your heart may be restless,
And your eyes they will see,
All that you're meant to be,
'Cause your spirit is strong,
And your soul carries on,
You'll keep your head up no matter the pain,
There's nothing about you that's plain,

Ya know I've had my days when,
I've felt out of place, yeah,
I look at how I am, cover what I can,
I wish it all would change but,
Take the make-up away,
You'll see the same girl still remains and,
She may not feel that beautiful but,
There's nothing about her that's plain,

You are a jewel, you are a treasure,
You are one of a kind,
And you shine just as bright as,
The stars in the sky,
You're a rare kind of wonder,
Created just right.
So keep your head up no matter the pain,
There's nothing about you that's plain.
We'll keep our heads up no matter the pain,
There's nothing about you that's plain,

You may have felt pain,
God, He knows your name,
Let me tell you something, yeah,
There's nothing about you that's plain,

ok i think i've almost worn myself out (: good nite world, u look beautiful tonight.

abbY*

2006-03-15T13:38:00.000+08:00

alrite nat! i'm finally updating (:

its the holidays! haha. yeah! -inserts victory sign- (flashback of shiwei. haha)
AOT retreat ended just yesterday. it was mighty fun! we've got one cool, wacky AO team with each individual that complements each other. haha! i feel so xing fu to have gotten to noe the team better (: and i noe it's gonna be great serving together this year! (:

- Pj and her grossness(shocking isn't it?) and her laugh that goes *gasps!gasps!gasps!* ID-DI, INFJ indeed!
- jean and her "****** life is great!" haha! and sam who is soo sweet to her. i never knew she laughed like -THAT- (= or how sam digs his nose. lol
- jo and his absolute blurness and retarded answers. and his excrush! HAHA. and.. the number of times he folds his toilet paper. haha!
- shiwei's steadiness and moral values (: her calligraphy and guys who crushed her! -tickled- and yes, u need a phone ! -triumphant look-
- charmaine and her motherly nature! and sudden explosions of "HUH?! WHAT?!" haha! her greedy mole named after ME and her infectious laughter!
- sherron and his coral absurdness. (tt's quite an absurd statement in itself)silly accents and poems and acting. ahaha. how can u forget? (:
- crystal (tho she wasn't really there..ghost..) and gold! the call for destruction! her laughter and eccentricity was missed *nods
- joylynn (who wasn't there at all) and her *hurhurhur!* laughter and reliability was missed too!
- yihui and her EXTROVERT self! my extrovert buddy! haha. itchy eyes, matchmakers and silly comments. its a mutual attraction between her and them
- caroline and her CRAZINESS. there is no other way to describe it. craziness and singing and laughter. tt's caroz (:

i'll never forget jean and jo squabbling. i'll never forget the weird stuff said and the roleplays. haha.

----------------------------------
pj: where do we go after we die?
jo: the pot (he meant the urn, seriously. HAHA!)

-----------------------------------
ROLEPLAY
sherron(guy getting ride of his fengshui stuff): er, u let me think awhile first k?
yihui: no, God no time.

sherron: (on THAT plant) its for abundant life! so my wife will have alot of children
yihui: u must trust God for children, dont trust the plant

-----------------------------------
ROLEPLAY
shiwei: -casts +++ out of joachim-
abby: OH NO! we're supposed to ****************** first! -to '+++' go back in go back in!-
[haha, inside joke then]

shiwei: (person in critical condition) my head hurts.. am i going to die?
abby: one day

shiwei: -dies-
abby: *sound of monitor* doctor doctor! pray pray!
caroz: doctor doctor! pray pray!
jo(the doctor): -fails to remember how to rescue a person at death's gates-
shiwei: -comes back to life anyway!-
caroz: yay!! *sings and claps* TO GOD BE THE GLORY, GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE
------------------------------------

goodness, we ate so much.. lunch, tea, dinner. the steamboat was great. i can crack an egg but samlow thinks he's a pro.haha. but it was great fun and we learnt UBER (jokes) alot of stuff. to God be the glory! haha. *raises goblet* to working together for Him! amen.

2006-03-04T00:33:00.000+08:00

ok ok i'm blogging! (:
and i shall start by replying tags. oh no.. they date back 89734982374629348 years ago!
mmm maybe i'll just be lazy and go..
HELLO!! hello to :
cheryllie (i think its been 23948739285 years since you posted n i've visited 892734983 times too (: )
chole lim ( i shall buy you a hairband so you dont have to keep stealing mine! (:)
squeezee pong (i'm bloggin! mr "you are old and you are grey" HAHA)
trili4li5li (u are a bad girl. come and go without telling me! haha den you pop up in church and pop up in RJ. wahh)
dawn (haha yea! hurr. still not results!)
VANESSA (: (you noe i do too :D)
natnatnat (haha thanks girl! hee. i was sick 09823497 years ago)
son (OLD LIAO YOU)
iggie (I NOE WHO YOU ARE NOW. haha. walk on ur heels! =P)
syen (hey fishy (: nv tell me ur posting results! see, i blog -smug look-)
gen the very bored (u're normal. dont worry. haha. if u go into abnormal mode, i'll be there before you)

yeah! done.haha. ok. update on my life another time. hee

I LOVE JESUS

2005-12-30T01:15:00.000+08:00

Abby, abby, abby, abby, abby, abby, abby, abby.

I miss you.

So does the photocopy machine, so does 21 August. Do you remember the 7 years promise. I don't know where it came from, but well. 7 is a holy number. Aye, I miss you lah.

I can't believe I blog more for you than you blog for yourself. This is gay man.

LOVE, VANESSA :)

2005-12-26T13:44:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Okay, I cheated. Belated Christmas. I miss you Abigail Cheng ): Hurry come back, I should have been at my computer when you came online, I was reading a book ): Alot of things to tell you, hurry come back okay.

Countdown to, I don't know how many more days ):

LOVE, VANESSA :)

2005-12-17T01:17:00.000+08:00

You left me today, haha. I can't believe I didn't send you off. I'm sorry Abby! I might try to post everyday for you :) I'm missing you already okay.

COUNTDOWN, 14 days left :)

LOVE, VANESSA :)

2005-12-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

HELLO ABBY, You're leaving me for New Zealand ): I'm going to send you off tomorrow. I think. I'm missing you already you know. I had a fun time today, even though it was pure stonning and rotting. It was fun baking the cookies. No matter how imperfect the cookie shapes were, it was still funny comparing. Like the cookies, we are imperfect. But we have a perfect God to correct us, and to mould us. Too bad for the cookies. They just get eaten up. 15 days without seeing you at least once. Usually in 15 days, I get to see you at least twice. But this time I wont. Faster come back alright. Happy looking at horses :P

LOVE, VANESSA :)

2005-12-15T11:23:00.000+08:00

have u ever felt like u're in a waiting room and that life only begins when u get called out of this white preparation room, into the real world as doctors, lawyers, engineers etc. where everyone goes their separate ways, through different doors and will never come together again in this white room. tts how i felt recently. haha. just waiting. and preparing. waiting to see how others will do in their lives, and preparing to serve the Lord with mine, when i'm ready, when He thinks i'm ready. ah well. growing up is tremendous fun (: lets hope we'll never forget the people we meet in this waiting room. this big waiting room.

leaving in awhile to go to the airport. i'm gonna miss christmas in church but i noe christmas with my family will be great too. its just, i feel so cut off from the rest of the world. haha. handphoneless and internetless. in sec two, it didn't matter. but since last year, it does. alrite abby, dont mop about. next year is gonna be an exciting (and tiring) one. but its gonna be another year with new people, and more growth in my spiritual life and that of others. (: the more i live with the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, the more i realise the extent at which he loves me.. and for what? i'm nothing without Him. i can only hope i'll give him all i've got. what a paragraph of random thoughts. ah well.. (:

i'm missing and gonna miss even more..
my mission team! aza, dorea, joylynn, ferris, chee yann, joshua, uncle dick
vanessa! thanks for everything girl. u're everything a fren cld ask for (:
charmaine cheang! haha u're more than a fren, u're a great sister. *hugs*
ally! trees! char! zx! nik! xw! shan! bel! aaron! shawn! drea! jan! rgs cell! area 3! aiyo the list will never end. haha. with the measly few ppl i noe and love and miss TERRIBLY, imagine how God feels.. my..

i serve an amazing God! oh yea~

seeya ppl! love y'all~

MERRY CHRISTMAS

back from mission trip (=

2005-12-05T22:05:00.000+08:00

i was never really sure of how i felt throughout the entire mission trip. i just knew that i felt very blessed, very xingfu everytime we blessed others.. when we helped out at the children's party at candlelight, visited the villages, stayed at the village, visited a village school, play catching with the village children, gave children balloons and sweets, loved the disabled, loved the orphans, loved them all..
when i stepped into Singapore airport, i realised how much i didn't want to come back to this life that has become meaningless to me. i would have gladly given anything to turn back and fly right back to Thailand to stay with the villagers. over there, i feel i really belong, there is a need there i can meet. its where i feel really accpeted, where people are so simple and live so harmoniously. i feel emotionally safe there. and its where my heart is home, loving the people who want to be loved, showing the people who much God cares. that's what i want to do with my life. when i set out on this journey, i knew it would be a life changing one, but i didn't noe how. i knew what i saw would change me and help me find my spiritual direction, but i never realised how significant it would be.
its funny how i dont mind the dirt and the inconveniences, i can do without the luxuries becuase i feel the empty part of me filled (: i felt God's by my side, i belonged. i never knew i'd feel this way, deep down, so frustrated with all the demands people have dumped upon me, stretching myself to meet all their expectations. over there, just little things i can do is so appreciated and so welcomed. not one of the children or addults we met expected anything of me, i didn't have to measure up. they were simple m inded people and i could love them whole-heartedly with them loving me back, not worrying what they would think of me or if they would reject me. i made little paper hearts for them and was prepared to see the kids drop them on the floor, especially the disabled ones, but never did i find one, not one. my home, is really there (: that's where i fulfill my purpose in life, where my happiness lies in the smiles and heavenly laughter of the children, the people (: i love them all. i miss them all already, very very much. i love the team too, thanks guys, for being so awesome (:

i left singapore with a whole heart half filled, and i return with half a heart wholly filled.

2005-11-13T01:36:00.000+08:00

wow. the first week of the hols is almost over (: been one busy but VERY ENJOYABLE week. lets start *ahem*

mon-wed : LEADERSHIP CAMP!
i think it was even better than last year. haha. maybe coz i was a facilitator for the bestest group this year (: THE 13-MAKERS! and all the other facils, u guys rock (: put 26 girls into one room and wat do you get? alot of noise, alot of card-playing, alot of eating(mini quesh and samosa! blueberries in cereal! raisin bread! kitkat! chips!). and after 3 days, u get alot of hair on the floor. haha. put 26 sec fours with 100++ sec threes for 3 days and wat do you get? alot of cheers, muddy(smelly) shoes, dirty track pants, red faces and peeling arms (: and a better hope for the future of all CCAs. anna (my co-facilitator) and i were amazed at how much our group members had grown in just those three days. not only did they open up, but their leadership skills in various aspects became stronger. so, to
1) andrea seow
2) joanne ang
3) fang xun
4) yen lin
5) xin yi
6) amanda
7) elaine yip
8) syaz
9) heidi
10) ju khuan
u guys are gonna rock track and field, basketball, bowling, sailing and golf. make use of your time as pupil leaders of the school and enjoy (: watever happens, if possible, come back as leaders of leaders to help the next batch up. its really fulfilling and rewarding to watch ur sucessors grow (:
the school really is moving into more leadership stuff. too bad they didnt start with the batch before us so we could learn more from our seniors. but i'm glad the leaders of the following years will have more guidance and teaching (:

to joanne bala: i had great fun with you at lead camp too (: horse ride! haha. i'm glad to have the chance to have been in the same lower sec class as you, to be a facil with you and to share life with you.
to zhi xu: thanks for waking me up at 5:30am every morning to brush our teeth before sleeping again. haha. i'm so glad we're closer now (:
to anna: leading the leaders was great with you (: as they have learnt and grown, i feel i have too. thanks for the experience. always remember ur hongkong accent and our confucious jokes! ;)keep peeling!
to the facils xian hui, bel, shauna, yishan, rachel, kelly, wanling, sabrina, kar wei, denise, muddy/cheryl etc u are one great bunch of people. rock on~

thurs: OUTING WITH YUAN AND ADELINE
yuan likes cheesy shows lik "just like heaven" is that wat we watched? i cant even remember the title. haha. and yuan is sooo blur ;) adeline makes a good shopping partner.. haha. we're good at wandering around doing nothing. and i agree with them that wat we do best is to STAND AROUND AND DO NOTHING. (: and i agree with them again that wat we do second best is to SIT AROUND AND DO NOTHING.. haha. i had a fun afternoon with you guys! haha. dont waste popcorn la. go adeline! ur hair is fine yuan. dont be late for ur bass lesson! haha.
adeline and yuanying both have big hearts for people and a love for God. press on in the faith girls! ;)

fri: 203'03 CLASS GATHERING
it was more like a clique gathering really. haha.
attendance --> crunch/ranjani, jo.bala, jenn, lisa, eunice/mouse, cheese/szeyin, lia/melia/amelia, shihui, zijia, michelle, moni, deborah, vivi/vithya and those i missed out. hee. and SARA who was in Beijing and mel who was in Shanghai and Janessa who was in God noes where (: and nan the dumb goat who organised it all and got grounded on the day
we just bummed around and laughed over old jokes. haha 3-4 year old jokes that are still funny. and new jokes some of us have to catch up on. haha. the memories.. recalling Mel's grape (HAHA), Deb's "bravery" during final destination etc etc. bullying lisa, like we always do (some things just dont change. haha)so we bummed around somemore, eating pizza, mango cake, cheesecake, brownies, bagua and wateva we could get out of Jenn's frige [only green tea and lemon barley but that sufficed (:], and watching movies. YAWN. all in all. it was great seeing u guys again. haha. the song graduation has a line that goes "will our jokes still be funny", i guess teh answer is yes. haha! thanks for the frenship guys! for the good (almost everything in lower sec) times and the bad (cold war) times. another meet up is due soon! haha.

sat: MEETING,CELL,SERVICE, HARI RAYA PARTEHH
cheryl sim! i'm glad u enjoyed urself today. haha. i'm still amazed at you becoming my sister in christ. love ya girl! i feel so blessed when i look at you. haha. never in my wildest dreams did i think (at the beginning of the year) that you would be standing next to me in church today, worshipping and loving the same God, same heavenly father. keep the faith!
thanks mus! for inviting us to ur hari rary partY lets see, drea was there, jerryca was there, darinne was there, jerryca was there, farhanis was there(with more hair!).(: i so didn't expect to see SHEEYIN AND ZIHUA THERE! omg. i miss u guys so much. haha. i even miss the stupid terence and all the memories he brings back to me bout ONG SHEEYIN. haha. thanks for being such great seniors (: track was brough alive for me by people like u ;) sheeyin u lousy lao gong. u haven changed a bit! still just as noisy, just as funny, just as CLEVER, just as lazy, just as "hao wan". haha. stay that way ;)
well, apparently i haven changed either, from the time i was an innocent sec one till now. haha
zihua: abby still the same, just as fascinated with sweets (:
(thankew vanessa, for the mnms)
sheeyin: ya i remember you alwaes liked to sing during training
(abby continues singing along the streets)
zihua: she always had alot of this kinda songs
aiya, basically i had alot ALOT of fun with u guys, bringing the past back to life (:
- sprinters exile! 11/6/03
- sprinters lunch! (seoul garden --> DIAHORREA, unless u have seniors lik rosh, kit, zan and jirou who CAN cook)2004
- sprinters dinner! (swensons, suntec) 2005
- stupid gross songs
- my little book of stupid songs and notes from u guys
- long d trainings
- etc etc "yi yan nan jing"
haha. conclusion: JOIN TRACK AND FIELD AND CROSS COUNTRY

sun: LUNCH WITH XUAN, CONCERT
ok this hasn't happened yet so i shall leave here. haha. the next few weeks are packed with mission training, track chalet, class chalet, prom, gatherings, going out. hurray. yes i live a blessed life. and i have my Heavenly Father to thank for that. thank you for giving me life. thank you for being with me to change the bad times to something positive (: always, and forever.

a dedication to my class, 40905 || nexus ||

2005-10-22T12:05:00.000+08:00

netball carn is over (: all our hardwork has paid off, winning games against teams we never thought we could win (:

to the netball team:
its been great working with u guys.. getting up early in the morning just to practice throwing and catching..and shooting. marvelling at Zhixu's freaky flexibility and Juline's oh-so-cool style ;) and of course there's silly Charlene's (extra)running around in circles. and Sruthi's accurate one hand shooting.. Xinwei's aggressiveness [you and i collide! and i fly ;)] shinjung's LONGness. our "cute -_-" drills and so much more (: we played some excellent games yesterday and YOU GUYS HAVE MADE ME LOVE NETBALL (: tt's a big thing ya noe. so thank you for the games, thank you for the laughter, thank you for the team work, thank you for the commitment, thank you for the discipline, thank you for the passion. to ally, sru, zhixu, xinwei, juline, yangyang, mandre, bel, lei, junk, charsiew, i love you guys, gonna miss u all so much.

thinking back these past two years, from the time i was absolutely horrified at being in 309-the-hardworking-class till now 409-nexus, frenships have really been built, and we've all really grown. grown up, and grown closer, especially recently. if there's one thing good(un-academic) that came out of options, thats the building of closer, stronger frenships with these classmates of mine.. just some shout outs (:

xinwei:
as i've told you before, u've been a terrific chairman (: qing neng bu zhuo. haha. through ur bouts of blurness, u've risen up in leadership, kept our class organized and together. u rock girl! dont so stress k you. MAI KANCHIONG! haha. next year if i see you kanchiong spider somemore i'll go there and kachao you, if not all ur hair will drop off! no good. (: U OWE ME UR BIRTHDAY DINNER PICTURES!

allY:
hey you! you've brightened up my sch life, just by being more than just a fren. u once asked if *** and **** have a real frenship, i'm glad we do. as we go on, we'll remember all the times we've had together. thank you for the joy, the laughs and at times, the pain we share (: thanks for being that listening ear (: its not easy to find someone i can rattle off so easily to. AND SING WITH! haha. i'm gonna miss you ally. keep in touch yea!

char:
yoooo.. haha. thanks for the chinese songs man ;) and being my slacking partner (last year only but NVM)keep that smile on ur face girl! "smile and the world smiles with you" YOU make this statement come alive~ keep singing for the Lord (: "mix2" shld be part of an album sold at shops! and i'll remind u again next year to sign up for C.ministry! :D

neek:
mirror! haha. i'll never forget how u took our ur mirror in class to inspect ur face (: u're a pretty child of God, dont let anyone tell u otherwise ;) i've really enjoyed working with u during options (: and sitting beside u the entire year was a blast! why? coz i can bombard u with questions =P thanks for having ready ears to listen (: rock on for the King yea! there's sth in u He's gonna use, ever so mightily (:

Zhixu:
if zhixu owes abby 5n cents, and you noe she owes abby 50 cents, what is n? (: haha u and ur proded brain. u got ur prom dress before me! haha. i like zhixu! :D i'm glad we've gotten closer thanks to (how surprising) OPTIONS! haha. signing to each other during philo class when we're separated by 5m of air. oh and it was great fun serving with you at deaf carnival! dont forget me zhixu :( wangzibianqingwa! hee.

ShinJung:
hey u bugger :P uber tall uber skinny uber long uber retarded uber hilarious u're my uberFREN! :D one day i'll learn korean den we can write in circles to each other k? (: den if u dont understand just sign! :D i'm gonna miss u junk, and the kinder buenos and the pizzas and the KNIFE-HUNTING. HOHO. i'll never let u live that down :D

Trees:
shrub! hehe. ever so green, ever so FUNKY MAMA! thanks for the jokes that cheer me up, and make all the rotten banana lessons oh-so-fun (: u determined girl (: u've achieved wat u set out to achieve! proud of ya! hehe. and admire u for that. haiya.. why u go and change combi? nvm.. we'll still be frens forever yes? :D i'll miss having u turn around to squash my pencil box, mess up my table and tell me lame jokes (confucious say..) and i miss STUFFING BUNS DOWN UR BACK! i haven done that for ONE YEAR. aren't u glad? (:

Elisa:
u have yet to learn to tie ur hair! i feel demoralised. i've failed to teach u how to tie ur hair properly. haha. hey u, i'm gonna miss ur squealing yes, and ur no-make-senseness. i admire ur carefreeness (: or u could call it blurness too. haha. stay cool``

Yangster:
hey! haha. too bad we realised we work together well on the netball courts a little late. but it was so fun! (: muahaha. catching the other team unawares with WD and C ;) i still cant believe charlene got a shuai picture of u, its just wrong. haha. thanks for getting me hooked on wangzibianqingwa :D i suddenly felt close to the "chinesegirls" in our class. haha. keep the faith girl!

CherylSim:
you. i'm gonna miss YOU. why do you have to go, YOU. keep in touch ok!! hoho. IMCB days with you wont be forgotten! haha. i'll remember ur uniform forever :P and wat we laughed at, or rather, WHO we laughed at. OH MAN U SO MEAN :p cheryl u rock, u artyfarty person. keep the flair, and that contagious laugh (:

Annalyn:
hands! the days when ur blog still survived, and the memories we have will never fade (: esp ur birthday lunch! U OWE ME UR BIRTHDAY LUNCH PICTURES! haha. thanks for being a great fren (: even if we dont talk much next year, i'm confident our frenship will last (: i'll always be there k? keep growing and burning His light! hee. dont play pool too much! its not cool! okies la maybe it is. haha. i'm biased against it :P

BeL:
my fellow PE rep, my eating partner, my F.A.N president. we've got a buffet date! (: thanks for all the fun times we've had girl~ haha. CYCLING IN THE RAIN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, going to the gym, shooting hoops, playing tennis (and being -_- when interrupted by mr chee :P), sharing chocolates, introducing each other to new kinds of food (: going jogging. cheer up k bel! :D i hope our paths cross again next year, even if they dont, we'll always have the past to look back fondly upon. and i'll always be here k? (: good luck on the vertical marathon! maybe i'll bring a laladui! :P dont join too many CCAs! ;) love ya belly!

Siqian:
i love ur hair man. haha. siqian u cool dude. u got hooked in wazibianqingwa too! hehe. i cant wait to see ur prom dress :D stay cool yea? and press on in Him k! i'm glad u've become my sister in christ. and sisters help each other out and support each other, so, dont forget me! (: i'll be here~

Mandre:
u and ur fish pond and my MUM'S maxim cd. haha. u and ur grand piano. u and ur freaky window and ur sunroof thingo! AND THE UNDERGROUND GYM! haha. twice i've worked with u on SS. in our INTELLECTUAL GROUP (quotes mr. Chua), i'm amazed at ur brain power. haha. and CAPTIVATED by ur handwriting u paopaocha you. haha. i dont care, u still owe me a church visit. hehe. lets go out sometime la k (: hehe. take care girl! dont forget me k!

lei:
our vice class chairman (: so zhenjing, like the pillar of strength to the class. great job this year! :D and no, i dont think we look alike. haha! our class leader (: thanks for the effort put in, and for helping make this last year in RG so meaningful :D u ar, dont lose too much weight already laa~ (: if u become a doctor, i'll bring my kids to u (: if u become an accountant, i'll let u count my frens' cash (: leave mine alone :P kidding~ seeya arnd!

hongyi:
i'll never forget my first experience with u, in OBS. haha. u were telling me some love story.. haha. using ur fingers to represent the different people in the middle of the night as we lay, sticky, hungry and dirty in our bashas :D and we cried together during wazibianqingwa! haha. so exciting (: u who eats so much and doesnt' get fat, stay that way! haha.

to 409'05:
thanks for making life colourful. thanks for being a blessing to me (: thanks for all the memories. i scrapped my knee during netball carn and theres quite a horrible scab surrounded by a hugomongous bruise. i almost wish the pain wont fade, but as it does, it takes with it the buise and the scab, but not the memories i have with this wonderful class. || n e x u s ||

2005-10-14T22:03:00.000+08:00

I SURVIVED RAT DISSECTION!!

i'm sick :(

2005-10-11T21:41:00.000+08:00

I LOVE VANESSA YAP :D

2005-10-05T21:28:00.000+08:00

abby: -writes chinese words-
clarice: aiyo why you so hardworking?! @.@
abby: heyy.. it takes me a long time to start working k, u're supposed to encourage me!
nikki: YARRHH. she now then start working k. GO ABBY!

thankew nikki! :D yays. so encouraging :D

yes char yes yes. haha. u want to see ur name more often? charcharcharcharcharchar
-imitates char and a ball :D-
hehe.
love you char! thanks for all the fun times man. haha. u and ur stomach!!! ahhh.. and the singing and the guitar playing and the WEIRD stuff la k (: -hugs-
muahaha vithya! vanessa made the template for me! hehe. the last time i changed my blog skin by myself was well.. a long time ago :D we're gonna dissect a rat next week!! HELP! watch nan faint! yay :P kidding.

2005-10-02T23:49:00.000+08:00

abby, im sorry ): i didnt know how to undo what i did. so i had to change your entire blogskin. it has been a while since i last touched blogger. but its nicer isnt it (: i love you so much (: saturdays always seem so far away, -hug.

Tag replies

2005-10-01T21:02:00.000+08:00

dear jo: (: i'm glad to have met you dear. haha. my lovely junior cum sister in christ. press on in Him ya! glorify His name for EOYs! (:

son: (: i wont forget the towers and the fishing and the toilet bowls (: thanks for all that. and the ERPS puzzle! ;)

nan(goat): dorkasaurus! haha kidding. i dissected my sheepheart perfectly! but it stank! oh man.. i couldn't eat meat on friday :S oh okies. we better get down to planning!! (:

nikki: thanks girl (: dont change! we'll make sure neither of us changes k (: take care sister in christ, cum dearest classmate and fren (:

trili!4li5li: YOOO. haha. always sleeping or busy online i dont dare to disturb yoU! haha. hurry come back! email me when u do k? den maybe i can go get u from the airport! :D

dearthashi: thanks darling. it meant alot to me (: haha u would have known ME! and ANDREA and JANICE (: i'll remind u to come after ur EOYs k? take care ya you. better sleep more!

dearhuishan: i miss you too! haha u pinky! (: i'll never forget the exco. haha. it was GREAT fun serving and getting into trouble with u guys ;) -hugs-

2005-09-26T00:45:00.000+08:00

i thank you Father for friends that stick by me. i thank you for friends who appreciate me, and for friends who will always be there when i'm down. friends who see me when i try to be invisible, friends who understand me, friends i can count on. (: and thank you for being that fren too.
there are frens who seem to use you. it makes me feel sad and wonder if there would be a frenship if there wasn't a need i could fulfill. it makes me wonder if i'm valued as much as i value that fren, especially if the communication ends.
how do you noe how to strike a balance between bugging a fren and doing ur best to keep in contact? how do you contain the urge to reach out and fix that frenship when u noe it may make things worse when u are seen to be a busy body? is it true that there are times you have to let frens go so that they may grow?
anyhow, my heart sings with joy when i think of the friends the Lord has blessed me with. i thank God for vanessa, the one i know loves me for who i am, unconditionally (: i thank God for charmaine too. for these two frens i dont talk to much, somehow theres a connection that cannot be broken and i love you guys for that and much more (: i thank God for ally, who shares silly passions with me and whom i noe will always be there with a ready ear and open heart and mind. i thank God for hilarious practical rosh. though we dont talk now, the relationship still remains and i thank God for this precious frenship. i thank God for yilin, for the caring senior, who's always concerned and patient. and always there to advise (: i thank God for bel-da horse who brightens up my day with her silly antics and for the times we've had sweating it out (: i thank God for annalyn, just for being her (: and her guiding in work! i thank God for zhixu and the fun times we've had and are going to have. i thank God for charlene, for listening. i thank God for andrea, for being that great support in cell. i thank God for Jacinth and her unfailing love for the Lord that encourages me. and for her prayers and sharing. i thank God for samyuan for assurances that there are frenships that last after testings. i thank God for charles, the big brother i noe will always be there (: i thank God for sherron, a leader and fren who guides and nurtures. i thank God for syen.fish, for taking one step to care when no one noticed. i thank God for randolf, for teaching and caring. i thank God for sabby and huishan and candice and huijuen, the track exco 05 who have worked with me this year. i thank God for my cell members who are growing in love for each other. i thank God for my track juniors, for their concerns, love, commitment and all that they are and represent (: i'll miss you guys so much. silly jo, rach,tammy,ruixin,yunhui,andrea,linxi,jane,andrea,shiqian,xinqi,thashi,angie.. etc!! i thank God for jean and jo, foro their encouragement, love and patience. i thank God for nick.lim. i thank God for sweet shiping. i thank God for shawn,johannes,nanthini,joanne,amelia,lisa,sara,jenn,melissa, people i noe i can always turn to (: i thank God for alot more other people. and i hope i'd be the kind of fren u want me to be.
i thank God for frens

2005-09-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

woah.. options is tiring. i've had to stay back in school till 630 three days in a row now.. and today, in-convo only ended at 830. -rubs eyes- ok. i've got to get the deaf carnival game stuff done and chem presentation done by tonight. then there's chinese idioms to learn, lit presentation to prepare for, medical biology to read and diplomacy to.. mmm.. oh i already did that. hehe. so much work but hey. who's complaining? (: i'm so enjoying options! oh yea~ besides the fact that i cant lik go for trainings.. which is like pooosh. but i like my options! (:

advanced medical bio
- been interesting lecture-style teaching but hopefully it'll get even better when we get to dissection (: not that i'm really looking forward to the whole "rat" part of it.

chemistry and drugs
- my confidence in chemistry is increasing. yay! haha. apparently we'll be able to synthesize our own drugs at the end of the course. so please, dont anger me (: i just might brew sth up esp 4 u.

diplomacy in practice
- coleman chua rocks! i've always liked SS thanks to him and ms lim has not totally killed my interest in the subject as yet. thank god i got cc for options tho (: SS is so interesting.

of heroes, gods and men in skirts
- lit! oh yea. love lit (: love greek mythology. haha why else would i have read about greek mythology in p5 if i didn't like it? sandy leow is such an amusing teacher.

law and punishment
- philosophy. the subjected i quite enjoyed in lower sec.. when it wasn't boring topics and when i wasn't taught by teoh. but hey, the guy just has a different teaching style. so far we've had fun talking in our little groups..about prostitution and homosexuality. haha! linked to law? oh yes. homosexuality is legal but homosexual activities are not. give me a scissors and tell me i cant use it wont you? (:

i wanted to get origins of arab and israel conflict but it clashes with med bio! and i wouldn't give that up. haha. ohwell, thankew joanne for agreeing me to lend me ur notes (: yay!

inconvo was alright today.. we were basically urged to get off our booties and affect change. hurrah.

oh nan and i had a good time catching up during med bio today..

nan: you and ur group were so slack in sec two! oh my gosh, we were so shocked u noe!!

that totally cracked me up. but then it made me feel guilty for not studying hard.. and sad for the lower sec.. they'll never noe what the REAL, fun rgs was like. but take it from me (: it was fun. haha. like.. lia, sara, lisa and i totally survived by (quotes nan) "you all din pay attention at all la!" and we're not brainiacs, but we survived. see.. RP is different. and i dont deny i feel accomplished after stuffing all that genomic stuff.. cis trans isomers crap into my little teeny brain (:

i miss training..

http://runraffles.blogspot.com

there u go angie.. i've linked you :D sorry took so long. hehe.

2005-09-07T03:11:00.000+08:00

I'm back from bangkok trip! (: all the memories.. my goodness.
the smells.. the food.. the people. the smiles. the schools.. our apartment.. i realised i had a great childhood there (: 2 1/2 years in paradise (: squatting on the slope and drowning ants =P hunting for our lost hamster with Jason, claiming to see invisible footprints only he saw. haha. learning to cycle. pounding up and down the library. swimming.. playing polar bear. rollar blading.. christmas parties.. trickotreating.. coloured rubber teddy bears (: plays. the drivers, the maids, the food on the streets. haha. just everything. old friends, old practices (: we stepped in and out of the past.
newaes. i had a GREAT TIME at Bel's birthday. hehe. i love bel (: BELDA! u're such a great friend to have, u noe (: bel - the one who shares my love for food. the one who runs with me and plays tennis with me. hehe. my fellow pe rep! (: the funny girl who tot three scientists were fruits. haha. i miss sitting next to bel. love you girl (: *hugs*

2005-08-14T13:55:00.000+08:00

i just realised i haven replied my tags since dinosaurs roamed the earth.. ahaha!

andreaL: i'll come visit! (: oh yea. haha. hope u had fun at bite (:
ray: i'll be antiri forever!! RARH once antiri, forever antiri. oh yea.
jermaine: U NUTTY junior (: be good next year wont u ? or i'll come spank u if andrea complains
amandateo: alritey (: erm. when i stop feeling lazy k? hehe. http://heartfilled.blogspot.com * i will remember. amen
nan: hey nan. U'RE SO TALL NOW! (: and i still think u got it from ur mum. (: take care girl.
sara: i miss u! u who eats and doesn't grow fat. haha. take care of apple* k (:
angie*: helo junior (: have fun in track next year K! (: i'll link u soon. haha.
nikki: i think u can consider u coming with a team for biterace a birthday present to me, and God. haha (:
trees: u're 16 and a tree already! (: proud of u shrub =P
vanessa: the holidays are coming.. 21 august is coming.. (: thank you. (dont laugh)
nicol: i'll buy more bread for u den (: hehe. it was nice seeing u too. oh-so-pretty-YOU (: i saw ur princess kitten shirt being sold somewhere! haha. u shld get the white one too :P
drea: thanks girl. haha u too yea? we all had a good talk yesterday. go rg cell ! (: 1 Peter 3:3-4. amen.

dew, yuanying, vick, drea. i really enjoyed our talk. its great how honest and open we can be. i pray it will alwaes be so (: May God develop our relationship as frens far more than we can ever imagine (: love u guys lots. congrats dew on cantering! (: vick remember ur promise ar.. yy.. uuu.. rmb to tell HIM k? (: and one more thing, i dont approve of piercings. (: hehe.

2005-08-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

this is interesting. adapted from Susan Sontag's Women's Beauty: Put Down or Power Source?

It is not, of course, the desire to be beautiful that is wrong but the obligation to be or to try. What is accepted by most women as a flattering idealization of their sex is a way of making women feel inferior to what they actually are or normally grow to be, for the ideal of beauty if administered as a form of self oppression. Women are taught to see their bodes in parts, and to evaluate each part separately. Breasts, feet, hips, wasitline, neck, eyes, nose, complexion, hair and so on -- each in turn is submitted to an anxious, fretful, often despairing scrutiny. Evven ifsome are acceptable, some will always be, found wanting. Nothing less than perfection will do.

In men, good looks is, a whole, something taken in at a glance. It does not need to be confirmed by giving measurements of different regions of the body; nobody encourages a man to dissect his appearance, feature by feature. As for perfection, that is considered trivial, almost unmanly. Indeed, inthe ideally good-looking imperfection or blemish is considered positively desirable. According to the movie critic (a woman) who is a declared Robert Redford fan, it is having that cluster of skin-coloured moles on one cheeck that saves Redford from being merely a 'pretty face'. Thank of the depreciation of women, as well as of beaty, that is in that judgement.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shania Twain, What a way to wanna be

i dont wanna wear that
it only makes me look fat
time to tone my thighs
gotta lose another size yea
wat a wae to wanna be

2005-07-17T11:49:00.000+08:00

no one said it was gonna be easy rite? (: thankew drea, for reminding me that God will never give me more than i can handle. thankew for coming to find me. thankew for being there..

ray, aaron, shawn, sherron, drea, dew.. thankew for being there for me (:
i really seriously thank God for u guys. haha. thank you for helping in little ways yesterday (: thank you for seeing me.

trees - trees! i miss you too. haha. i saw u at open house (: after wed, i'll be back behind you (: and i promise i will wake up when u wanna tell me another one of ur corny jokes =D but i'll still sing songs. hehe. i have two sailing stickers! (: but i lost them. yay. loveyalots!
sara - dinosaur! i so miss you :( haha. all the rubbish times in sec one and two. haha. the times at ur house. DARK ANGEL. and JENSEN ACKLES. and MICHAEL WEATHERBY. i still watch la. aha. in fact, i just watched two episodes (: so much for studying. haha. i have so much to tell u girl. and i NOE u do too. HAH! dun try to hide ar. (: MUST meet up soon k. mel lisa jenn lia. the "we-dont-listen-in-class" gang (:
natalie - u're welcome girl (: take care of urself ya (: keep that pretty smile on ur face always!
vanessa - i didn't meh. haha. i must have fallen asleep. i'm sorry girl. i dun even noe wat dae u're talking about. haha! was it that dae we talked on the fone at 1030? har? haha. confuse me only. haha. i saw u yesterday! (: u look pretty with ur hair tied up liddat (: -hugs- thankew for the letter :D
nick - hehe son. towers and binos. and gold toilet bowls. newfound fren. old fren. comrade. mmm.. fishing and observing trili and josh :P im sorry. hehe. i'm still figuring out differentiation! hehe. YOU are supposed to give me a clue! den i'll take down one teacher for u (:
aaron - i noe (: thankew for everything. and yes, i will treasure it. haha.
manda - haha yeap! see ya. and i give u full permission to sing to me :P after u're done singing to the King of Kings. =D
dahuli - haha experimenting on my blog?! u need a license to do that. and permission from ME :D take care of urself too (: dun leave ur ic around ar. (:
huishan - thankew! haha. i think i read it abit late. haha. but nvm. i din see u FOR A WEEK until yesterdae. haha. u crazy pinkalicious faeriestars. haiya. u shl dhavev come for lunch with us. haha. and zhang. it was fun! (: P.I.A.N.O. *makes a face*
vic - i'm lazy to relink. hehe. love u lots too! (: U DIN COME FOR SERVICE! i miss u la. haha. and the times.. more dan a year ago. love.
emeline - have fun with ur sari from chinatown! (: if u cant walk.. "i will carry you.." -Clay Aiken (:

I FOUND THIS ON ALLY'S BLOG!

2005-06-27T22:55:00.000+08:00

oh the irony

the following was taken from Ally's blog. copyrighted (: i made NO changes.

[WHO]
do you miss the most: i dunno?
do you love: my family and good good friends.
do you feel most happy with: sister.
makes you laugh: my good good friends.
makes you sleep: abby. i see her sleep i also wanna sleep.
makes you cry: my imagination.
makes you angry: ?? hur? no one.enlightens you:
ill-treats you: some people in POS. bully me cuz i'm 'disabled'.. hahaha!

allllyyyyyyy. well, i'm the one who has a picture of HER sleeping. kinda.. mm.. fine. it was a picture of her fainting over her math ws. STILL.

first day of school - sick

2005-06-27T22:42:00.000+08:00

i've got a sore throat :( happy.
ally didn't come to school todae. because she din feel lik it. haha. but i stayed awake throughout ALL the lessons!
feels good.. been such a long time. hehe.
well, i realised that i did reasonably well last term though i slept in class alot (sorry Lord) because the teachers, honestly, talk alot of crap.
i got kinda irritated with Mr Chia todae.. for spending lik 30 mins talking about how we dont have enough time to cover the syllabus, and how we are supposed to go fast but he wants to go slow.. and how the bio department hasn't decided whether to cover everything and make us go in-depth BY OURSELVES, or teach us a few topics in-dept and make us learn the rest.. yes, BY OURSELVES. either way. PHOOEY. on and on he went.. for so long. i couldn't help saying, "hurry up teach!" my mind is pretty empty now? please fill it. properly please. if u noe how. ha. ha.
anyway, lit was crappy too, as usual. we din even get into the text.. but i like Ms Leow. hehe. i think she teaches us to really appreciate lit.. plus, she's amusing. tt's a bonus ;)

i realised i can't live without my ear rings in class.. i had nothing to twirl when i got bored. better to twirl ur ear rings than to fall asleep.. rite ZHI XU? (:

*sniffs. God, Heal Me. by ur stripes, i will be set free. amen

i miss vanessa

2005-06-17T09:19:00.000+08:00

MEGALIFE STEPS CAMP! (: [ fun! ]
being in camp comm was one of the best parts of camp. haha. though it was stressing.. and we had little fights here and there, it was fun (: sharing a room with vanessa*babbyyy was fun too. haha! and all our FOOD! and the 'almost rough' fights between our room and sherron and charles' room. thanks to their milo stealing habits. AO isn't even supposed to step into a girls' room. *shakes head* my dear baby milo never came back. poor thing.. and the chocolate bread (: the banquet..(and the behind the scenes squabbles. haha) the loongg walk and the macdonalds. haha! (while the campers had lettuce, we ate cheeseburgers and sipped coke infront of them (: fun hee) my new love for condensed milk on toast. haha. fanned into flame by my mum and daryl. haha. the sleeping in the hall. haha. the sec ones trying to do cpr on me while i was slained. haha. memories~ (:

Day one
PJ prayed for me.
One of the things she prayed for was for a heart for missions. She said two countries came into her mind.. and I was "oh, China". Then,
PJ: China and Mongolia
I used to think my country was Thailand, I guess I was wrong. My dad went on a mission trip to Mongolia, and I always wanted to go with him. Bring chocolates for the little kiddies! Whee~
Another thing PJ prayed for was for me to live a life of purity, and God reminded me of the time he gave me the word "purity" when I was primary three. I thought it was linked to the fact that our next worship service had the theme of purity, but now I know it was something more. I used to feel so alone, God now shows me that I wasn’t. He was there all the time. I thought my real walk with God started after missing missions camp, I was wrong again. (: The years before were not wasted.
God dealt with me entirely this day, with the whole of me.
Someone else prayed for me when I was under His power, and prayed about all the hurts I had faced. They are truly His now (:
I wanted to strive hard to talk to God, to strain to hear his voice. But he whispered and said I was tired, to just let go and rest in His peace, so I did. It was beautiful (:
Many people prayed for me, and He gave me a picture. Everything people said as they prayed for me ministered to me in special ways (: and God brought me back to different parts of my life to show me he has indeed set me apart and has a plan for me. He had always been piecing my life together, so beautifully. I know now that NOTHING I had gone through was not planned. They were all planned, and are to be used. Amen.
A few days ago, God gave me Proverbs 29:4 a couple of time
"By justice a king gives a country stability, but one who is greedy for bribes tears it down"
à God will give me stability in His own plans for me
à I have been greedy in my own ambitions. They were for personal glory and God has other plans.
My heart is new, I will give up my plans for His. Amen.
He will continue revealing his plans.

Day three
Pastor David Palmer prayed for two things in particular.. for me
a passion for missions
"God is going to cleanse you right now. He’s just going to do a spring cleaning in you."
When he prayed for a passion for missions, I was amazed. It was like an affirmation from God that I’m called into the mission field.
When he said God was going to cleanse me, I was shocked because that was what I had been asking God to do in my heart ever since I spoke to Randolf about prayer.
In His arms I asked for love and wisdom, but decided I only wanted love. [Don’t really have a good feeling about having wisdom, wisdom. Hoho] he put it, wrapped as a present in a box, into my heart. I’ve got to open it. (:
+ He says I gotta make sure I use his gift in the correct way, for God’s people and to show His love, not for ungodly ways.

2005-06-01T23:02:00.000+08:00

pizza at the beach with the team~
[WE.ARE.ONE]

mr soh: "i wonder which guy will be able to tame you"

i am not wild. (:

2005-05-25T22:45:00.000+08:00

i had a wonderful birthday (: these few days.. its been like a dream. thankew to everyone who made it so very special (:

in no particular order (:

bel-da.ahnar.yang2.vanessa.abby.aaron.ally.
nikki.char.nick.ting.xuan.sulyn.thashi.xinqi.
rachel.dew.adeline.mel.sam.samyuan.
charlesyou.charlesteo.syenfish.alexiperk.
benmunch.joshchan.joshcho.sherron.
sherman.allypua.jan.drea.shaun.shawn.glenn.
ray.ming.dale.natalie.leeshi.kimoh.jonathan.
kim.wen.mum.dad.sarahjie.debyeo.
sara-dinosaur.avonneapple.hongyi.
mandre.wulei.kelly.char.charmaine.jem.mus.
jaze.jo.rosh.shiping.husena.joeyee.yuan.
409.pat.shirley.gabriel.samkwok.mandaong.
lenny.hannah.jane.mingwei.emeline.evie.
yilinmuscles.marc.louelle.cherylchoo!.
vivi.trees.jung.joy.zihua.zhengyi.isaac.
shermankwek.nickho and anyone else i forgot (:

i saw jenjen aka tadpole todae (:

thankew Jesus. thankew for giving me such wonderful frens. thankew for giving me this life to live. help me live it to the fullest for you.

and to live it to the fullest. i have to go do my physics pt. *yawn

byebye world (: i love you.

2005-05-18T21:38:00.000+08:00

ABBY heh, it was nice going out with you yesterday (: just for that two hours, it was fun disturbing youu :D fat wallet (; dont be too stressed alright, well. if you are, dont pull your hair, cos youre going to be botak - & i know you dont want to be like samuel, right - left ? roars, if you need to destress, im just a call away, sms would be fine too : D you know i make you laugh right : D HAHA, & i know you need me : DDDDDD alright, I LOVE YOU ABBY CHENG NING XIN (: -hugs

2005-05-14T21:47:00.000+08:00

abby's back (:

* mum saes i'm malnutritioned
* my parents sae i'm stretched too thin
* some of my schoolmates have gone slightly mental
(did i sae slightly? only?) [about time they caught up with me anywaes] -talkin in brackets and lines. xinwei and trees will be so amused-
* back from shaun's birthday thing early for project. wat a sad life. haha! but i love living
* glenn is taller dan me. dun like. and he crosses the road in an uber scary wae. he's amusing
* spoke to sherron, talking to jean tml. the plan is about to be executed. abby is bout to be saved
* ORA todae was pretty good. if we had sold all we would have made loads. haha. as it is. its good enough. made lotsa profit ! (for each can of soup and cup of grass jelly)
* yes vit. i noe he's lame. cool eh? ;) haha ! it is a good point. haha!
* JENN din come to church todae. she got stuck at home
* i'm balding. gawd that was random. Ming's balding too! funkeh mama (trees, dunlaugh)
* pineapples are nice
* track camp is coming. am i dying or am i dying? i am dying. muahaha
* why do parents alwaes end up right? i've lived in denial these 5 months. reality has sunken in
* cheery up all! yes kor, you too esp.
* pigeons poop alot
* that egg on the 4th floor ledge is still there. mmm.. i wonder

PS Thanks Drea, Thanks Geri and Thanks Xuan (: love.
yes Vanessa. i love you too ;) duhh~ hee.

2005-05-03T17:43:00.000+08:00

hello world (: i've had my eng, ss and lit papers. i seriously screwed ss. so happy. haha! well. i shall not worry coz Lord, i've committed dem into ur hands (:

i am in shock. my sister bought a dressing table! dressing table. i tot that species died out long ago. okies. bio has gotten to me. natural selection and the struggle for survival. i better go struggle for the survival of my grades now. toodles! (:

ps: GO ALL CENTRALONENIANS! study and score for christ! (:

2005-04-12T22:08:00.000+08:00

ABBY (: YOU CANNOT DIE OKAY, i still want you with me - & you owe me a shopping trip (: remember alright, pray before you do anything, YES. PRAY BEFORE YOU MISS ME (: lets put God number one in our lives alright, i can go second on your list (: i dont mind. hahaa, LOVEYOU.

2005-04-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

andrea blogged ,
"we all also know how even the strongest friendship or relationship can fade away."

i onli want Jesus.

wont be hurt

wont be left out

wont feel lost

wont have expectations to meet

wont

Jesus, tell me what.

Sea, swallow the liquid that plunge from my eyes

now he takes my voice

this is not me

where am I?

who am I?

2005-04-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

30 easy ways and counting (:

Dear sea, swallow my tears..

2005-04-11T23:53:00.000+08:00

when i'm alone the world seems such a different place

sometimes its hard to keep the smile upon my face

i dont know how to break free

i wonder if i'll make it through this darkest night

i'm reaching out

wont you take my hand, show me to the light?

seems like i tried so hard and still i let y'all down

when everything starts crashing down

when all i know fall to the ground

when darkness comes and i can't see

Jesus, please dont go.dont leave me here on my own. u're the only one i can trust.i place my heart in your hands.i'm not letting you go.where areyyou?

this girls looks at the huge body of water

would you swallow my tears?

2005-04-04T21:22:00.000+08:00

my races were FUN (: though i haven done a proper good timing. but owells. i had alot of fun overtaking people who irritated me. by blocking me rarhh.

i had the most wonderful time playing the piano todae. after more than a year of not touching it. except for that five mins during the jamming session. i knew i missed i tbut i nv went to visit it. in its lonely room. haha. well, todae i did. and i played for over an hour. relearnt bout three songs and played bits of other songs i knew. so fun. i nv liked piano. haha. now my fingertips are sore. from playing so. when i was still having lessons, th eonli time i played would be durign lessons. that woul dbe my practice for the week. and normally i'll think of a list of subjects to ktalk about during class and entertain my teacher with my big mouth and endless flow of saliva. muahaha. but dis time i played for more than an hour! tt's super amazing. i miss the sound of the piano. and so does my ma. haha. ouch. evidence of how lil i play piano -- my painful red fingertips. tsktsk. must go toughen them up. haha.

horse riding tml! haha. self ride in sentosa. for *********** (: so fun! cant wait

dahuli (: u're out on men's night. haha. sounds quite weird. mmm.. hope u guys and old man had/have fun. i cant decide which, since when u read this, it shld be 'had'. bahh. wadeva. (: how did u become dahuli? *thinks* haha. dunno! must be one of you crappy jokes. muahaha. i onli had nothing to do with it (: thanks for everything too. heh heh. sorry bout the -rarrh- thing yesterday. hoho. thanks for all the laughter (: my family thanks you too :P especially my MUM =P and wen goes on bout u on webcam etc etc.. haha. owells. i'll write you another one when u come back from army. MUAHAHA (: 2weeks veh fast de. haha. liddat *blink!* den gone liao. so no worries. see yooo later shifu! (:

Lord, i realli thank you for all the pleasures i have in my life. piano, running. riding. all is so beautiful. the singing of the rain last nite was breathtaking. i could see,smell and hear it. majestic indeed. i cant wait to see you face to face Lord. how great your beauty must be. i cant comprehend the fullness of it. all i noe is, I love you so much Jesus..